Monday, November 27, 2006

Nothing goes with turkey like a side of racism

I don’t like to think about it, but the truth is some of my extended family are a little racist (similar to being a little pregnant, I guess). And yesterday, as ol' Dan aptly pointed out, the Holidays are not just a time for coming together, they are also a time to revel in our family's embarrassing shortcomings.

Dan is doing pretty well in his "race for most racist" contest with this little Thanksgiving treat from Witchita, Kansas:

(Dan's relative sees a lowered truck a few parking stalls down)

"I guess I should park up here a bit, away from those Mexicans."

Awesome. And, here is my heartwarming contribution:

(While watching Entertainment Tonight's feature on Grey's Anatomy)

My Aunt: Did you see where Meredith is marrying some black guy?

Me: Yes, isn’t he a music producer or something?

Aunt: I don’t know, it’s just really disappointing.

Double awesome.

Anyone else care to enter this race? Cause, you know, it's easier to hide the rage if you're laughing :)


Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

I spent most of my time in NC this Christmas, but with the side of the family raised in the North. However, when I am in Roanoke Rapids with the OTHER side (the ones who were born and raised in RoRap), I've heard gems like:

"Y'all got any jigs in your school?" to me, when I was in fourth grade, and had just started private school

Rampant N-word use I'm too appalled to repeat

"ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaa. HA! HAAAAAHAAAA!" (That would be laughter at seeing two men walking down the street holding hands. An argument about gay marriage rights ensued.)

I'll take you and Dan on ANY day.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

Oh and PS my mom is very disappointed in Heidi Klum's choice of husband as well. I showed her a Gap ad featuring Seal and said, "this is him." (She didn't know who "Seal" was when we heard the news that they had their baby.) She shuddered.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:33 AM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

My uncle spent all thanksgiving night asking my brother why he would date "a white girl".


10:35 AM  
Blogger V said...

K: Wow, those are pretty good, we'd have a real horse race on our hands. I still am laughing at the nickname RoRap...

Heather: Indeed, I also had a funny conversation with my friend's boyfriend (who is Chinese-Canadian) about our respective racist families. Mmm, good stuff.

10:39 AM  
Anonymous Sweet said...

Oh yeah some of my relatives are just as bad and biting my tongue is getting very hard!

10:45 AM  
Blogger Golden Silence said...

These people are a trip. They just say whatever with no semblance of courtesy or tact. It's like when I see ghetto-acting blacks (I'm black, but the opposite of ghetto) start making comments out loud about how "white people do this or that"...when whites are right in their vicinity. Tacky.

10:59 AM  
Blogger V said...

Sweet: I know, you can only "laugh off" those kind of things so many times...I had to get up and leave the room I was pissed.

Golden: Yep, racism is def a muli-way street--it just really sucks when it's your family though...

11:04 AM  
Blogger Sean said...

At my family gatherings, we just make fun of "Polocks" and "Micks" ;-)

Although I have an old Uncle who likes to talk about "Japs" a lot. I guess his only experience with them was WWII when they dive-bombed the crap out of his ship. So I guess that doesn't count. Pretty sure he never got along well with "colored" people though. There was ONE he liked in 80 something years of life. LOL!

11:04 AM  
Blogger dn said...

I had another moment this Thanksgiving - a relative went into a long speech about a high school friend's daughter, and what a nice lady she is, and how she accidentally got pregnant, and...

RELATIVE: (whispering) it was with a black guy

11:05 AM  
Blogger Sean said...


My Grandmother did give me her annual reminder to "Keep the Jew's hands out of your pockets!". I think it has to do with using credit cards or....erm.....something?

11:23 AM  
Blogger V said...

Sean: Oh, you're a funny guy :)

Dan: Oh man, there are several I've heard in my family whispering about being black or weird...

11:26 AM  
Blogger Barzelay said...

The racism was kept to a minimum this year because one of my cousins brought the Puerto Rican man she's dating--who was awesome. But homophobia was still rampant.

Cousin 1: "That's so gay!"
Me: "I agree, it definitely prefers having sex with other men."
Brother: "And so do I."
Cousin 2: "What? You better not be gay!"
Cousin 1: "If we find out there are any gays in this family, we'll beat it out of 'em!"

11:40 AM  
Blogger V said...

David: Oh yeah, gotta love the blind hatred for all gay people.

I also forgot another one, my mom kept calling my friend's boyfriend "oriental" instead of Chinese (or at least Asian). Big Lebowski quote aside, I think my 20 minute explanation of why oriental is a decorating style, not race/ethnicity did help somewhat.

11:51 AM  
Blogger Floyd said...

Well, this is from this summer while in Minnesota, but it still counts:

Me: I'm going to see a movie.

Grandma: Watch out for Mexicans!

Me: (sarcastically) Ok...I'll watch out for Mexicans, Grandma...

My mother: No, seriously, watch out for Mexicans.

My grandma: They carry knives!

1:29 PM  
Blogger Floyd said...

Oh, one more from a few years ago in the Northland, while flipping back and forth from the KU-Mizzou basketball game and random NASCAR race:

Me: Um, can we turn it back to the game?

Uncle: Aw, hell, if I have to see one more n_____ bouncing a ball on the floor I'm going lose it!

Me: And if I have to see one more white-trash redneck drive around in a circle, I'm going to lose it! Turn back to the fucking game!

1:33 PM  
Blogger V said...

Floyd: Wow, sounds like lots of paranoia and bonding for you, too, around the wonder we all get so trashed when we go home.

1:36 PM  
Blogger Golden Silence said...

V: It's happened in the family too.

A few years ago, while watching Halle Berry's "Intimate Portrait"---

Family Member: "How can someone as beautiful as Halle Berry have a homely cracker for a mother?"


2:55 PM  
Anonymous Brock said...

I didn't go home for Thanksgiving, but I'm sure I'll be in the running come Christmas.

Incidentally, the most racist rednecks I know listen to gangsta rap. Explain that one.

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Shawn said...

from last year (Thanksgiving weekend, maybe?) while watching a Chiefs game:

Aunt: "you know, for a n_____, that Larry Johnson is pretty good-looking."

Grandpa: "get the hell out of my house!"

(laughter ensues; I bury my face in my hands)

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Cosmo Kramer said...

Racism is so cool......Hey i'll be in town performing on the 4th,5th,6th. Come catch my show..

3:27 PM  
Anonymous O-face said...

I don't approve of Klum's marriage not because he's black, but because money can get you some fine ass regardless of how you look. I know Seal has the tribal scares on his face and the busted chiqlets but still. Speaking of which did you know Sharon Stone dating Rick Fox formerly of the lakers and ex-husband of Vanessa Williams. Ok his life isn't the greatest. But its funny how Cosmo Kramer doesn't know where his racism comes from. WTF, what do you mean you don't know. I hate chubby kids, because when I was young a chubby kid beat me up. So i give those fat bastards a hard time all the time. But to not know why you hate someone is weird. Seriousily though, its like not cool to hate anybody but Mexicans. I seen and heard them get treated like sh** and nobody questions it. I know they work for free and all but still that's just plain wrong.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Nothing this year, but last year's thanksgiving involved my wife's cousin and his new wife, who is of Korean decent, and my brother-in-laws.

Bro-in-law 1: Hey (Phil's wife), do you still have that rabbit?
PW (Phil's wife): Yes - I need to find him a new home.
Bro-in-law 1: Why don't you give it to your neighbors (my neighbors are Asian, which he knows this)?
Nikki: (nervously) nooo...
Bro-in-law 2: Why, because the slant-eyes will eat it?
Me: (under breath) oh, shit...

5:14 PM  
Blogger JoJo said...

It's a two way street, V. I only recently got my mom to understand that hanging out with gay men wouldn't necessarily turn me into a lesbian. Nor would they, all of a sudden, lose their gay identity and start hitting on me. "Are you SURE, he gay?" He so nice!

7:02 PM  
Blogger Sean said...


Braised rabbit! Not sure about the braised puppies though :-)

10:09 PM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

I was down in Florida to witness this:

Dad: Man, there sure are a lot of immigrants here now

Uncle: Mexicans are EVERYWHERE man. You can't go 5 ft without seeing some fiesta with 100 of them. But man those people know how to have a good time.

And I'm sure you know all about Malibu Ken's family so I don't even need to go into how racist those fuckers are.

10:17 PM  
Blogger NotCarrie said...

A contest I don't want to win!

10:30 AM  

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