An Okie Returns Home: A Tribute
Wedding season continues (October is the new May) as I am off tomorrow morning to my motherland of Oklahoma to the town of Yukon, home of Garth Brooks (or so the water tower says). I am just an observer at this wedding, however, my date will be a groomsman as the groom is one of his best friends from high school.
While people make fun of Oklahoma a lot, I love my state. There are quite a few “You know yer an okie when” lists, so I threw this one together and only chose those that I agreed with, of course, you people from other flyover states may find some true for you as well. I've also include a picture of one of my favorite okies, my little brother.
-You can pronounce correctly: Hobart, Battiest, Miami, Tahlequah, Chickasha, Alex, Poteau, Oologah, Dougherty, Empire and Talihina.
-You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of a feedlot apart.
-It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.
It’s funny that I actually communte less now that I’m in DC because here my apartment and work and local shopping are all within a ten minute walk. Growing up, school was on one side of town and the Wal-Marts was clear on the other.
-You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn, when they are still on the stalk.
Sure, my grandpa was a farmer. And, let me tell you, there are few things quite as fun as hide and seek in the corn stalks. Of course if you break them, you'll probably get a whippin.
-Football schedules are checked before wedding dates are set.
This was true for several of my best friends from high school, and not just for their guests benefit as several went to OU and OSU and were BIG fans.
-You know cow pies are not made of beef and calf fries have nothing to do with a potato
Sure, and I won’t eat either.
-When little smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
One of my dearest friends served these at her wedding reception at the Miami Country Club
-You are on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
My dad is. I remember when we were little my dad got pulled over for something silly and he got out of the car and acted like he was really drunk and then went for the cop’s gun. Needless to say, he knows most the cops in town and we got off without a ticket.
-There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for the tornado.
What exciting memories I have from when I was young and the sirens would go off and my whole neighborhood would pull up lawn chairs in our neighbor’s driveway (he had the tornado shelter) and we’d just visit and look up and wait for the wind to calm and the sky to change color (two good signs that a tornado was on its way).
- It doesn't seem odd to see the term "chicken fried chicken" on a menu.
I’m sure most of you have had it with white gravy…I understand my grandma Bessie makes the best in the world. I would also note here that my grandma regularly cooks squirrel, including squirrel gravy (I don't eat that either).
- You have used the phrase "fixin' to" during the last 12 months.
Okay, I don’t really use “fixin” and didn’t growing up (I worked hard to lose my accent when I was young), but it’s certainly a common word around my house. “Yeeaah, we’re fixin go into town and git something from Wal-Mart, ya need anythin?”
- You can remember the last 12 times a state legislator seriously introduced a bill involving castration, and he didn't mean farm animals.
Oklahoma politics are pretty effed up. Between lesbians in the bathroom to kids being trained to use books as shields from bullets, my hard core republican mother is thinking about voting democrat more and more (though there are many, many idiot democrats in the state legislature).
- "Howdy" seems to be a normal way of greeting another adult, with no irony intended.
Of course. And, you smile at everyone you pass on the street. It's rude if you don't. In fact, I'd say just walking around with a smile / happy look is advisable.
- You think that people who complain about the wind in other states are sissies.
Yes, they have no idea. Hell, I didn’t even grow up in the flat part of the state where a below zero temperature and a wind coming at you from hundreds of miles flatland can feel pretty nasty.
- It bothers you not one iota to use an airport named for a man who died in an airplane crash. Ah, Will Rogers World Airport, my travel destination tomorrow, in fact. It should also be noted that Amelia Earhart has a street named after her there as well.
- A bad traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.
I know this is meant to be funny, but I’ve been in several stare downs to be courteous to other drivers.
- You know in which state Miam-uh is and in which state Miam-ee is.
My beloved hometown, I sure as hell do.