Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Two true stories about the same person

I’ve never discussed this particular friend on my blog before, let’s call her Kelly.

So Kelly is real drunk one night coming home late from the bar. She enters the lobby of her rather large apartment building and there is a guy there. He hits on her and she decides to invite him up to her place. They get it on. Post-coitus, they are talking. He starts to act a little funny. She asks what’s wrong. He explains this might be a little weird for them because he lives on the same floor as her—with his girlfriend.

A few days later she gets a note from the property manager to come see her. Kelly swings by and the property manager, a large, black woman, sits behind her desk saying nothing. She looks at Kelly and just starts moaning a la the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally. Kelly is stunned as this goes on. The manager stops, looks at her and says “Keep it down.”

Needless to say, it had been a rough week for Kelly.


Anonymous Bill said...

Time for Kelly to look for a new apartment?

9:11 AM  
Blogger Sweet said...

Oh man! How embarassing. Although that's pretty funny.

9:21 AM  
Blogger JoJo said...

This story is definitely a keeper. So, V how hard were you laughing when you first heard it?

9:42 AM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

Sweet Jesus perched atop a muffin. I would have died. And then I would have handed her any amount of money she wanted to break the rental contract.

10:05 AM  
Blogger Ashburnite said...

oh damn. I've had my roommate ask me to keep it down before, but we are in the same apt, so it's understandible that she can hear me. But the neighbors? Actually, come to think of it, my walls are a little thin. oops

10:07 AM  
Blogger V said...

Bill: I think Kelly's locked in for a while, but yes, that's what I'd be thinking too.

Sweet: I know!

Jojo: After it was sworn to be totally true, I laughed my ass off. I mean what else can you do?

Brunch: Right, I think she's sticking with it though. Brave girl.

10:07 AM  
Blogger V said...

Ash: Funny stuff, but you better watch it or you'll have to "hear" about it from management, too.

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Bill said...

If she's gonna stay, maybe she should just get a t-shirt that says "Yeah, I'm the one" because clearly she's gonna be infamous and might as well get a laugh out of it.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

Does "Kelly" by chance have a blog where she discusses her swingers' club exploits and does she live in Dupont Circle and go by a single letter nickname that exists near the end of the alphabet?

Right ...

11:15 AM  
Blogger V said...

LB: Oh you funny guy.

No, it's not me, if I did sleep with a neighboor who live on my floor, I'd have three choices, all of whom are gay males. I mean I'm cute and all, but not enough to flip a gay dude.

1:44 PM  
Blogger Floyd said...

Where the hell was this friend, let's call her Kelly, when I was visiting? If I'd known that all I had to do was sit in the lobby waiting for drunk chicks to come home, we never would have had to leave the building.

On a related note, I once heard, through a very thin wall, my friend cause a girl to bawl uncontrollably in the middle of their love-making. It wasn't "Oh this feels so good" crying either, it was "Oh my God my husband was just killed in front of me" crying. (For the record, my friend didn't kill her husband.) Funniest goddam thing I've ever heard.

9:37 PM  
Anonymous Jeffrey said...

Kelly sounds like a classy girl. Wasted and inviting total a stranger up to her apartment to fuck him having no idea his name, let alone where he's been! How fucking stupid. She has a lot worse problems than someone hearing her get drilled. Next time she might make it on the 6 o'clock news.

12:45 AM  
Blogger Tyler said...

I used to hear my neighbor all the time when I lived in an apartment building, but I never thought to complain... hmm.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Tyler said...

I guess I should have prefaced my comment with the fact that she was a very hot neighbor...

4:36 PM  
Blogger Needtsza said...

Well, I think it might be a bit crazy of Kelly to have sex with a dude she met two seconds previous, but that aside (and not judging her on it), GO KELLY for gettin' hers!

Keep it down? Shit. Keep it up girl!

Though I agree, I think I'd have to move given the front desk lady is moaning at me. That's not embarrassing or anything.

So, where is this lobby? ;)

1:24 PM  

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