Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Does Beyonce have any friends?

Because if she did, surely they would tell her to put the hair piece down and take a Xanax. Seriously.

Let me just say that I have only heard two songs of the newly released album "B'Day," and I may even buy it as I likes my party music before I go out. While neither of these songs are really my B fav's, I am more concerned with the videos for her two releases “Déjà vu” and “Ring the Alarm.”

If you haven’t seen these videos, I’d really suggest you spend your morning breakfast time like me, flipping between VH1 and MTV. Then you’ll know my pain. But, you might also catch the new songs/videos for the Killers or Raconteurs and that would be sweet for you. Anyway, I Youtubed them for you.

“Déjà vu” by Beyonce

To quote one thread from (NSFW) I discovered while googling for info who said: “that video was terrible. bitch dancing in corn fields and all kinds of other crazy shit.” Agreed. The video is the PERFECT example of no one telling B that it may be her B-day, but the cake is making everyone sick and the clown is touching the children.

This video was shot outside New Orleans in an area where her mother grew up and has some truly lovely locations in old bars, in green fields and under old trees. But Beyonce is out of control. She’s franticly trying to be sexy. I mean I thought “Crazy in Love,” was a bit excessive, but damn, this is just sad. When a girl with an ass like that has to try to be sexy, you know somethings not working. Then the part with Jay-Z, it’s worse than when she danced up on Usher, and he’s a fag. Jay-Z been tapping that shit since it was barely legal and he can’t even fain interest. Terrible.
This shit is so bad that days after it came out some of her fans started an online petition to get her to reshoot it because:
We, the fans of one Beyonce' Knowles, ask that an alternative video be shot featuring; more choreographed & less spontaneous dancing, clearer visual themes that relate to the lyrics of the song, less gyrating, less scenes of non-existent sexual chemistry between Mr. Carter and Ms. Knowles, less zooming and quick cut edits and a more stylized and clear direction for all other aspects of the video production.”

Last time I checked, there were 6,824 people who signed on.

“Ring the Alarm” by Beyonce

Beyonce’s extension and wig frenzy fest continues with this nonsensical little tribute to Basic Instinct and any movie where someone was dragged away by secret agents. It also consists of a very angry B and her “emotions” a la a sixteen year old girl reciting Emily’s tearful goodbye from Our Town. And I’m supposed to believe there is Oscar buzz around her performance in Dream Girls? Right.

The whole “plot” of the video is for tards. I am so over that Basic Instinct reference and also over that four foot long pony tail. She actually grabs it at the base and swings it around like a lasso or something. And then there are dudes dragging her down a hallway and she’s really, really mad. Then for some reason she’s at a beach house in her Ellie May inspired garb with Capri jean shorts and cropped top and she’s really, really sad. I’m confused?

Let's learn together, here are some of the lyrics:

If I let you go
She gon' take everything I own
If I let you go
I can't let you go, damn if I let you go

She gon' rock them VVS stones
If I let you go
Get in the 'Bach or the Rolls
If I let you go
She gon' profit everything I taught
If I let you go
I can't let you go, damn if I let you go


He's so arrogant and bold (Oh)
But she gon' love that shit, I know
I done put in a call, time to ring the alarm
'Cause you ain't never seen a fire like the one

So he’s cheating. And, she won’t get all that shit “for free” anymore. Hum. It would certainly have been more interesting if she had showed him cheating, she stalked him and then killed him or something a la Chicago. That would be kinda cute. Instead we get two minutes of sad Beyonce and mad Beyonce and various heinous outfits. Damn, that girl needs some friends.


Blogger I-66 said...

Oy. I concur. See, I've been firmly entrenched as an anti-Beyonce since the man-hating binge Destiny's Child went on in the late 90's.

Videos aside, even musically she doesn't cut it for me.

12:22 PM  
Blogger V said...

I wasn't a big Destiny's Child fan either. But, I do enjoy Naughty Girl or Crazy in Love quite a bit. Hated that Pink Panther song though.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

That shit was hysterical. I concur as well, but fucking hysterical. I think my favorite part is after the screaming/basic instinct shit, then she's crying. I just...why?? Why??? Bitch is crazy. the end.

12:42 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

How about those silly looking ads they're plunking in evvvvvery magazine lately, shilling her and her mother's clothing line, House of Dereon. "House of Dereon"? I know it's a family name, but still, that's the name I would have given my fashion line I designed when I was seven. And sold at my boutique, "Chez Classy Couture."

12:42 PM  
Blogger V said...

H: Bitch is crazy...and is the only direction she's given "look like a caged animal" or what?!

BB: I KNOW. Can you just call yourself of House of, too? I mean I've seen that shit her momma makes and um, that's one tight, slutty House.

12:49 PM  
Blogger Brunch Bird said...

No doubt. House of Brunch Bird's Mother would have been a line of woolen hats, ladylike blouses and skirts, raincoats, and sensible shoes. Oddly enough, when I whined about any of it as a tyke she just replied, "Make it work."

1:11 PM  
Blogger Ashburnite said...

I think Naughty Girl and Crazy in Love were the only two decent songs she's ever done. And you're right- neither of these vids make any sense whatsoever.

1:22 PM  
Blogger V said...

BB: :) I mean who dresses their child that way?

Ash: Agreed, those are both good, and there is no way I can get over the videos of these new ones to give an opinion about the actual song.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Cail said...

I actually read an interview with her where she said that she didn't use a choreographer for "Deja Vu" (except for the Josephine Baker-ish part) because she wanted to "feel" the music. Clearly, that worked out well for her.

2:39 PM  
Blogger V said...

Cali: Interesting. And, that stomp dance was priceless.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

You called that one. I think B has a case of overexposure.Too much at once and now she just done lost her mind. Crazy videos, copying Britney Spears clothing (ie the music awards and magazine photo shoot). If you mom is all 'Ms designer', have her design you something...umm...unique maybe. Poor thing she is young she can recover.

3:58 PM  
Blogger V said...

Samantha: Also agreed. I think she's too young and exposed to realize she's kind of being a total idiot and apparently, no one close to her cares enough (or is in touch with reality enought) to tell her.

Either way, girlfriend is absurd.

4:31 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

I still think she's freakin' beautiful regardless...

5:11 PM  
Blogger V said...

DC Cookie: No doubt, sista.

6:46 PM  
Blogger KassyK said...

So the rumor is that Jay-Z cheated with RIAHANA!! No wonder Beyonce is freaking out. She's the most annoying thing ever but she is fucking gorgeous and Rihana's forehead is bigger than the state of TEXAS. Just sayin. :-) Although her beats are good to dance to (Rihana that is)

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Sally said...

This is the album that B did without her manager/dad (like she didn't tell him she was making a new album) so I think that maybe that is partly to blame? Cuz, Damn B, I am not feeling it. New JT is way better.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Kris said...

. . . but the cake is making everyone sick and the clown is touching the children.


Nah, quote of the decade.

Sweet Jebus.

10:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! This hate in the world and the haters! You bloggers have nothing else to contribute to the world...So, I guess even You need a platform! Learn to love and stop spreading so much HATE!!

Peace, Love, Serenity!! TRY IT!!

3:28 PM  
Blogger V said...

Anon: Thank you for hating the haters. I love that you are hating on me (V) for hating on B who was hating on Jay Z :) That made my day.

4:00 PM  
Anonymous Oface said...

You need to post on why she's dating a tortoise.....I know dude sports half a billion but dam she still could found somebody better.....

Why are you perusing LMAOOOOOOOOOOO

1:57 AM  
Blogger Needtsza said...

Serenity now...Insanity later ;)

10:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Beyonce is HOT as hell and people can't stand it, no one can touch her, no one can actually Sing like she can, Dance & Move like her, her body is Off-the-Chain and people are hating on her, she's not a stick-figure like most of those pop-stars you see on TV. Her video is for entertainment purposes, get over it, its a VIDEO!! I love her videos and so do millions of others, but they wont post that petition that countered the first hater-petition of about 2,000 people, please!! Get a life! She's the epitomy of all things beautiful and you people cant stand it because you can't touch it or come no where near it! Jay-z is the luckiest man on the planet! Keep on making them hate, Beyonce is doing the damn thang!!

2:34 PM  
Blogger V said...

Mrs. that you...??

3:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you wish...

5:57 PM  
Blogger V said...

Why would I wish that B's mom posted a nonsensical rant on my blog...I am confused...

6:43 PM  
Anonymous stophatin said...

why do people hate on beyonce? she's very pretty and can sing her ass off. this cd might not be as good as the first one but people have flops once in a while. she did her best and what can you not love about her. she's a performer and that's why on stage she's a completely different person and wears some of the clothes she wears. off stage, she's sweet plus she doesn't put all her business out there for the whole world to see. i say stop the hating and appreciate the sensation that is beyonce!!!!!!!!!

4:15 PM  

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