A Rant of My Own: Drawing the Line at Sex
Before I left town, I got real pissed off at a blogger's post about Jessica Cutler. It was not just that his points were painfully lame, but the fact that there is no argument I could possibly make to change his mind because he is part a crowd I just don't understand: The Holier-Than-Thou.
In summary, he said to Cutler (I'll add bold for the parts that really made me mad):
"I dislike you because not only did you fucked a married man for money, you benefitted from the experience…Compounding your existing problems, instead of the social castigation you richly deserved, you got a book deal. I don't blame you entirely for that, but it certainly looks bad that instead of being even remotely apologetic about the whole thing, and accepting your half of the blame, you decided to parlay the whole thing into famousness.
"That's why I dislike you, Jessica. Make fun of me for my weight, or my earring, or my funky goatee, but at least I didn't fuck another man's wife in the ass and got famous for it. I'd rather be fat than a complete degenerate."
Despite my conservative upbringing, I still find it sad that there are just people in this world who are so totally oblivious to what goes on (and has always gone on) in real life that they are just shocked and disgusted whenever reality is presented to them. What happened to Jessica Cutler is merely a public display of what has been happening since men were attracted to women and particularly, older powerful men to younger woman.
I personally have no problem with what Jessica Cutler did and has done since then aside from the fact that I don’t like how her novel about those experiences turned out (I have a theory that her publisher/editor made her tie it all in a bow, but whatevs, fingers crossed for something better in the HBO series).
Anyway, it bothers me that people fault her for taking money/presents from these dudes she was sleeping with. Bothers me a lot. Do we fault men who get their rocks off on much hotter girls they don’t deserve? Hell no! We give them high fives and envious glances and deem these women “trophies” and reflections of these men’s status among their peers. But, when these women want to take money or favors for these dalliances, we suddenly get free reign to crucify them? It’s a barter, baby, you get yours and I’ll get mine.
Sure, Cutler became famous for something silly and pedestrian (sex), albeit socially taboo, but that’s not her fault. She was writing to her friends online about her life, and it became public. Lemons into lemonade, and no matter how sweet your glass house, I doubt anyone can say for certain they wouldn’t do the same if faced with her limited options.
So those puritanical many like our blogger buddy there who naively (and probably jealously) blush at the idea of anal sex and blow jobs will continue to wring their hands and hate her for what she did no matter what. I also love that it was/is Cutler who gets judged. Sure, she wrote the book. But even before that, these people were so disgusted with her as opposed to the men who were also taking advantage of a situation. I have hardly heard anything negative about that guy who is suing her and Anna Marie Cox and half the known world for $20 million...but she had anal sex, the nerve!
And, that leads me to my main point: I think our society draws the line at sex and it’s sexist and stupid. Our cultural norm says it’s okay for a man in a monetarily advantageous position to use every ounce of it to get sex, but if there is anything in it for the woman other than his shriveled balls, it’s wrong.
A perfect example would be Anna Nicole Smith. People hate her, call her nasty names because she saw a great opportunity to make some serious money and make some old bastard really fucking happy the last few years of his life. But, oh no, she’s the demonized gold digger because she wanted more than sex. If it was just sex like we assume he wanted than it was totally okay, but because she wanted more, she’s the whore.
It's time we all deal with reality. Sure, we all want every sexual encounter to be moonlight and roses, but the simple fact is the world has never and will never go round on healthy and happy relationships because those relationships are between human beings who are filled with id and ego and libido, not angel dust.
And, to be perfectly honest, sex with angel dust would probably be pretty damn boring and certainly not a world in which I would want to live.