Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Parable of Lindsay Lohan

I sometimes wonder how much I would really like being friends with celebrities. I actually have a friend who is close to a couple movie stars, and he appears to mostly get annoyed as they get more famous.

And, while I still would shank my own mother to be BFF with Jay-Z, I think L-Lo is officially off my list after this little show.

To your right, you will see Entourage darling Jeremy Piven with a (ahem) "Please suck my cock it's my birthday" grin as he is squeezed by the one and only Lindsay Lohan. It is indeed his 41st birthday party where L-Lo showed up (apparently) with a trunk of binkis and related outfits. Cause, you know, it's her party, too!!! She then proceeded to model them in the hallway because there really aren't enough people taking pictures of her.

Here is what L-Lo wears to the actual birthday party. I think the theme was strippers with implants that really should have been done better. (Side boob!)

Here she is with the satin "dress" off to reveal a sparkle bikini, this says stripper with heart of gold, eh.

And, then magically another bikini appears for her to model in Jeremy Piven's hallway...ah, peach and ruffles with a too cool aviator edge really works with the bathroom door background.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be friends with her. Of course, I'd have to kiss her ass. And tell her how thin she is even though it's painfully obvious she's a lollipop head or tanorexic or whatever they call it these days. "No, no, Lyns, you're not fat, everyone has that in their ear lobes. No, I don't think crunches would help."

And, going out with her would be terrible. First, she'd have some flavor of the minute doosh bag with her, and they be all wink, wink, slerp, slerp and you'd have to take lots of pictures and make them feel sooo special even though you were pretty sure they were saying shit about you and your friends. And, as if that's not enough, I can't imagine she's a very good friend. She's constantly in a feud with some other stupid starlett and goes through friends as fast as she does suitors.

And, it sucks because I really like the idea of L-Lo. She was so cute at first, I loved her look, and I loved that she seemed to just be having a good time (Mean Girls was great). But the second she started getting noticed, it all went to shit.

And, it kind of makes me sad for her as I think deep down she does want to be more than just some idiot celebrity. Like how she was falling all over herself to show the world that Meryl Streep was her BFF. She even mentioned it in her monologue on SNL...Yeah, we got it Lins, Meryl thinks you're soooo good at acting.

I have always had this fear that I would not have the kind of people around me to tell me if I was acting awful. The whole "Yes man" thing just scares the hell out of me. L-Lo's situation, the burning through friends, the trying to come across as the totally cool party girl and having what appears to be a delusional sense of self, reminds me how important good friends really are.

Placing your self worth on things like who you are fucking, who you think you know, who you partied with, where you partied or why any of those things makes you better than other people is a dangerous that, apparently, leads to anorexia, coke and pill addictions as well as what I would imagine to be a very lonely life.

And, while I hope I never act like I'm cooler or better than anyone else, I take comfort in the fact that I have people around me who would gladly tell me to get over myself and get it together. So buy your true friends a drink because sometimes not even movie stars are so lucky.


Anonymous bill said...

I think having "friends" who depend on you, or the image of you that they create, for a living is dangerous. Clearly she is suggestible. Many young women are. Clearly she is either not getting sound advice, or is ignoring it. I agree that she has become pathetic. I wonder how many of my friends, though, could have come out whole after being sucked into the Hollywood fame machine at her age. I know a few who wouldn't have. I don't think she can escape all personal responsibility in this, but I don't think it's all her doing either.

3:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

those pictures have turned me off to coke-whores forever. even i would wear a condom if i ever slept with her. just kidding, i don't wear condoms!

3:53 PM  
Blogger KassyK said...

V that is SO right on and so perfect. I had a few friends like her in college and needless to say we are no longer close but the group of friends I am still close with from college are good friends that care about each other and call each other out on things without being mean but really being helpful.

The Yes friends are scary bc they can turn a train wreck into a full blown city to city disaster like LaLohan.

Anyone see Parent Trap when she was 11 and unknown? Brilliant!! She needs to stop fake tanning, start to eat and start hanging out with girls like Rachel McAdams in real life. Now that is true beauty (from what we can tell)--inside and out. Never lets it get to her head and stays true to her acting. Bravo Rachel.

3:57 PM  
Blogger demanda said...

Poor L-Lo. I think that all of us know young women who have behaved in a less than savory manner at one point or another. The only difference with her is that she's famous, so the public can judge her every move.

With that said, if I were to be friends with a famous person, it would most definitely be Tara Reid because anything stupid that I can do, she can do better.


4:00 PM  
Blogger V said...

Bill: Yes, I have no idea what I would be like under her circumstances, but it's just one thing after another with her.

Anon: Oh, you bareback, fool!

Kassy: Yeah, it's fine line between wanting to hug or slap these fools.

demanda: Ah, we all want to live in Taradise...

4:17 PM  
Blogger Scarlett said...

Fine. Next time I visit I won't pose in your hallway wearing all of my bikini's. You didn't have to tell the world.

5:58 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

The sad thing is that she used to be really cute. Now... she just looks BAD. Her poor skin with its horrible tan.

And, in a strange but understandable comparison, I've heard that a lot of women who get far in politics have the same problem with real friends. I think it would be the saddest thing to know that your friends were only friends with you because of what you could do for them. And that they would never stand up to you when you're acting like a brat or a jerk or whatever or challenge you or do anything that real friends are supposed to do. That whole friendship sounds so boring and unsatisfying.

9:35 AM  
Blogger Virgle Kent said...

Yeah, I really didn't read the rest of our post but I've spent the last 7 hours and 2 bottles of hand lotion looking at the pics... thanx.

You are a true friend after all


9:48 AM  
Blogger V said...

Scarlett: Your little whore ass will always be welcome--just be sure to bring the beagles.

R: Exactly, I think that would be terrible.

VK: All for you my friend--

11:58 AM  
Anonymous Sweet said...

Ugh. Can't stand her. She looks like trash in those second and third photos. I also think she's too vapid to be your friend, you actually have a brain!

12:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LL's myspace

10:40 PM  

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