The Parable of Lindsay Lohan
I sometimes wonder how much I would really like being friends with celebrities. I actually have a friend who is close to a couple movie stars, and he appears to mostly get annoyed as they get more famous.
And, while I still would shank my own mother to be BFF with Jay-Z, I think L-Lo is officially off my list after this little show.
To your right, you will see Entourage darling Jeremy Piven with a (ahem) "Please suck my cock it's my birthday" grin as he is squeezed by the one and only Lindsay Lohan. It is indeed his 41st birthday party where L-Lo showed up (apparently) with a trunk of binkis and related outfits. Cause, you know, it's her party, too!!! She then proceeded to model them in the hallway because there really aren't enough people taking pictures of her.
Here is what L-Lo wears to the actual birthday party. I think the theme was strippers with implants that really should have been done better. (Side boob!)
Here she is with the satin "dress" off to reveal a sparkle bikini, this says stripper with heart of gold, eh.
And, then magically another bikini appears for her to model in Jeremy Piven's hallway...ah, peach and ruffles with a too cool aviator edge really works with the bathroom door background.
I can't imagine what it would be like to be friends with her. Of course, I'd have to kiss her ass. And tell her how thin she is even though it's painfully obvious she's a lollipop head or tanorexic or whatever they call it these days. "No, no, Lyns, you're not fat, everyone has that in their ear lobes. No, I don't think crunches would help."
And, going out with her would be terrible. First, she'd have some flavor of the minute doosh bag with her, and they be all wink, wink, slerp, slerp and you'd have to take lots of pictures and make them feel sooo special even though you were pretty sure they were saying shit about you and your friends. And, as if that's not enough, I can't imagine she's a very good friend. She's constantly in a feud with some other stupid starlett and goes through friends as fast as she does suitors.
And, it sucks because I really like the idea of L-Lo. She was so cute at first, I loved her look, and I loved that she seemed to just be having a good time (Mean Girls was great). But the second she started getting noticed, it all went to shit.
And, it kind of makes me sad for her as I think deep down she does want to be more than just some idiot celebrity. Like how she was falling all over herself to show the world that Meryl Streep was her BFF. She even mentioned it in her monologue on SNL...Yeah, we got it Lins, Meryl thinks you're soooo good at acting.
I have always had this fear that I would not have the kind of people around me to tell me if I was acting awful. The whole "Yes man" thing just scares the hell out of me. L-Lo's situation, the burning through friends, the trying to come across as the totally cool party girl and having what appears to be a delusional sense of self, reminds me how important good friends really are.
Placing your self worth on things like who you are fucking, who you think you know, who you partied with, where you partied or why any of those things makes you better than other people is a dangerous road...one that, apparently, leads to anorexia, coke and pill addictions as well as what I would imagine to be a very lonely life.
And, while I hope I never act like I'm cooler or better than anyone else, I take comfort in the fact that I have people around me who would gladly tell me to get over myself and get it together. So buy your true friends a drink because sometimes not even movie stars are so lucky.