Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Girl Porn

I know how cool it is for ladies to love porn. But, after viewing such classics as Anus and Andy and some other soft core shit involving cheerleaders, I can safely say that while I like to watch porn for a good laugh, it rarely turns me on.

However, Hollywood does a pretty fine job of providing me with sufficient “girl porn,” which is usually in the range of PG-13 to R. And, while I'm not saying this does it for me the same way traditional porn does it for others, I sure do enjoy watching it. Here are a few of my favorite girl porn movies:

Anne of Green Gables: Why it’s great: Orphan becomes lovely young woman, she’s spunky and different and the HOT Gilbert falls for her despite her tude. The build up of that kiss will drive you mad.

Dangerous Liaisons: Sweet pappy, John Malcovich makes me fit to be tied in this French classic as he plays the ultimate bad boy turned good boy turned dead. And, the equally sexy Glen Close has some of the most amazing chemistry (and cleavage) of any screen duo.

Oscar and Lucinda: I just saw this for the first time the other day, listen to this equation: corsets, mid-1800's England, Cate Blanchet, a Fiennes brother (Ralph) as a misfit priest and mutual gambling addictions. I couldn’t have dreamt a better plotline. And, the sexual tension is just delish.

Bridget Jones’s Diary: While the first one is the only one worth your time, it’s amazing that Rene pug face Zellweger can get through a movie as an affable and charming heroine. Factor in amazing performances (yeah, I said it) from Hugh “I could eat a ham sandwich and be sexy” Grant and my one true love Colin Firth and you’ve got something worth staying in with.

Speaking of my boyfriend Colin, let’s go ahead and say anything by Jane Austen: Okay, I take Austen very seriously. She is one of my favorite authors (I’ve read every novel multiple times) and most of the movies coming from her works have not been total crap. In particular, A&E’s version of Pride and Prejudice (staring Collin Firth!!!) is like eight hours of totally amazing, and I really dug the pre-anorexic Keira Knightley remake out recently.

Vampire movies: That’s right, Dracula and Interview with a Vampire are HOT. Vampire movies are very erotic and so fun to watch. In fact, I just watched Underworld: Evolution last night and between Kate Beckinsale in black vinyl and that hot guy in romantic lead, it was very sexy.

Dangerous Beauty: I luckily happened to catch this one on a hung over Saturday and let me tell you it is so damn good. It’s a courtesan’s tale set in 16th century Venice staring Catherine McCormack. It is such an amazingly passionate and smart film with lots of hot nudity.

18 Comments:

Blogger Ashburnite said...

oohhh...Nothing puts me in "the mood" like "Pride and Predjudice." I freaking love Jane Austen. I don't think most guys realize what an affect some "chick flicks" have on us ladies. Bur let me tell you, a guy who will sit thru the entire BBC version of "P & P" without complaining is definitely going to get lucky :-)

10:00 AM  
Blogger V said...

Ash: Right, just something about all the sexual repression, yummy ;)

PS Tell me you've read "Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife" HOLY SHIT. That's some real girl porn, and it's sooo good.

10:28 AM  
Anonymous Sweet said...

Oh Gilbert! It's probably been over a decade since I last thought of him. Now I'm tempted to rent that whole series.

10:52 AM  
Blogger V said...

It's worth watching again--They made a third movie w/ the same actors a few years ago and it's actually pretty good, especially if you like the other two.

10:54 AM  
Blogger Ashburnite said...

actually, "Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife" is one I haven't read...but I will definitely be reading it soon... and most certainly be picturing Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy.

11:23 AM  
Blogger V said...

Ash: Oh girl, you won't be able to put it down, run to the bookstore!

11:26 AM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

I wish someone would buy up the rights to Stephanie Barron's Jane Austen mystery series and turn those into films.

A recent sexy film? Unfaithful. Diane Lane getting boinked from the rear by her French lover out in the hallway of his apartment building. He also nails her in a toilet stall while she's having an unexpected girl lunch at the bistro near his pad. The boy's got a thing for SRO sex. The best scene, in my opinion, was Diane Lane on a commuter train, returning to her home (and husband and child) and she's been so sexed up she's writhing and her nerve endings jangle as she remembers what has been done to her.

1:11 PM  
Anonymous Sally said...

That movie "Girl with a Pearl Earring" gets me every time, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's the abundant sexual tension in like, every scene.

3:00 PM  
Blogger V said...

WC: I have been meaning to read those, I'll put that on my to-do list. And, I also love how hot that movie is, Diane Lane was so fantastic.

Sally: Oh, that's a good one--I love when Colin sees her hair and of course, when she effs the butcher cause she's so hot and bothered by the painting w/ Colin...mmm...

3:14 PM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

Make your own, then watch them together in bed, sillygoose.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

I will kill myself before watching 1 minute of Pride & Prejudice.

3:44 PM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Ohhh... It's good to know that Mr Darcy Takes a Wife is worth reading. I keep picking it up and thinking about buying it.

And I once watched all 8 hours of P&P in one sitting, mainly for the shot of Colin Firth jumping in a pond. Gives me chills. My friend kept telling me it wasn't that big a deal... She was SO wrong.

3:57 PM  
Anonymous bill said...

Just bought Dangerous Beauty on Kassy's recommendation, and agree. Also agree with WC on Unfaithful. Looks as if I work through her list and yours I'll have a very nice collection :-)

4:05 PM  
Blogger dn said...

You mean to tell me Colin Firth jumps into a pond in P&P AND in Love Actually?

I mean, uh, um... shit. I've said too much. At least no one knows I've seen What a Girl Wants. Twice. ...shit.

Damn you, Firth, you handsome devil!

6:35 PM  
Blogger Freckled K said...

Ummmm...Colin Firth is MY boyfriend.

And "Mr Darcy Takes a Wife" is better than anything by Nancy Friday.

8:27 AM  
Blogger KassyK said...

Dangerous Beauty is one of my FAVORITE movies of all time. :-)

I have another one to add to the list of Girl Porn that guys like too:

Love Actually

1:54 PM  
Blogger Raincouver said...

Is this why the future RC keeps asking for these movies???

I knew something was up. Damn!

7:24 PM  
Blogger Natalie@theliquidmuse.com said...

Vampires always get me hot...

10:53 AM  

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