Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Circle V's tips for her fellas (A three part series)

So a while back I posted some assistance for ladies with their men. It has been requested that I post a similar set of tips for men. I think this may be particularly relevant as of late due to the recent increase in hottie single blogger ladies (not that they'd fall for your shit, but still).

So, gentlemen, while I am not the master in this area, I'd like to impart a couple things about dealing with a modern woman. Let me just that of course not all of these are true for every woman.

My previous post for women was how to be a cooler girlfriend because probably they aren't too worried about finding someone to hookup with. But for men, it is much more complicated (because they are dealing with women). So rather than tell you what to do, I want you to think on these things. This is going down in three parts.

Circle V’s tips for her fellas:

Today: The hookup—The down and dirty gauntlet you gotta run each time

Next: You wanna date her/girlfriend—the psychology of a woman

Then: Long term tips—You really dig her, how not to fuck it up/lie to yourself

Part I. The Hookup:

So she’s attractive and you are pretty sure you won’t want to talk to her much longer than absolutely necessary. You’ve got three obstacles in this gauntlet, which may or may not be as hard to surmount depending on the amount of booze / her emotional state:

1. She finds you attractive—Okay, this is tough because even if you are at least somewhat attractive, it’s mostly up to her preferences (you know, one bitch's junk gets the other's treasure). So all I can say is part of being attractive is being confident. Now, what the hell does that mean because dudes are told it all the time? I think the best way to go into it is to be interested in her, but keep in the back of your mind/attitude that while you dig her, you could take or leave her either way (true or not). That thought will keep the whiff of desperation from stinking up your game. This doesn’t mean check out other girls while talking to her, it means play it casual, but friendly.

Okay, so there are other things that make you more attractive than Abercrombie genes. The first thing, which is always a crapshoot, would be chemistry. For whatever reason sometimes people just happen to be in the same place in life or whatever and they get each other. When you feel that, take a big ol sigh of relief because this process will be much, much easier. But, if you think you need some more help, a good sense of humor can be very attractive. If you can make that girl laugh, that’s at least another 20 percent on top of wherever you are at presently. Also, if you can find something that you both think is funny (usually this involves making fun of cheesey people in the bar or slutty outfits) she will feel like you’ve got some sort of camaraderie or whatever—like she’s in on the joke. This basically forces chemistry if you think for some reason it’s not there, yet.

Also, you should play up your strengths. I think guys miss this a lot because they are so worried about being cool because they assume that’s what girls like because that’s what they are told by TV and shit. But, in actuality, she is probably more likely to be into whatever you’ve got than just playing it cool. For example, if you are smart/witty, play that shit up. If you are good at the self-depricating humor, do that. If you know that you’ve got an excellent smile or great laugh, use it to your advantage. I mean she’s got her tits pushed up, layers of makeup and knows just how to stand to look as skinny as possible so why don’t you play your own shit up, too?

2. She considers hooking up with you to make her feel better about X: Okay, so her finding you attractive is kinda complicated, but this is even worse. Look, you’re dealing with a girl and unless you hit gold (free sex with little effort) you’re probably going to have to work for it. So, the thing here is that every normal girl you meet who is dressed up and drinking is looking for something. As I told someone at a happy hour recently, the key to most normal women is to make them feel “pretty.” Simple, sure, but I’m telling you, a women’s ability to like you is really rooted in how she thinks you view her.

If she is attracted to you at least a little and you are able to indirectly make her feel good about how she looks or whatever (i.e. sooo pretty, smart, funny, hot, clever, fun, unique, independent, different) in a subtle way than you’re probably going to get her. “Feeling pretty” means you push that button that makes her feel good enough about herself to want to sleep with you. See women live in their heads. They really, really do. They have an image of what they want to be like and no matter how true or far off that image is, the more you can play into it the better your chances. Also, if you know that she thinks of herself as a hot and smart, there are ways you can compliment that. And, for chrissakes, I’m not talking about you saying “Ooo, you’re so hot” because if that works on her, then you’re going to get an STD.

3. She thinks you may benefit her in some way-- Now, this next section is generally true for your normal attractive girl, but it’s damn true for the really hot girl that is most likely out of your league.

Okay, there is a chance that by making a girl feel pretty, you have already done number three. But, that’s probably not the case. I think DC girls, in particular, are really bad about wanting something out of a hookup type relationship. I’d say 8 of 10 girls you would like to hookup with want you to have a better job than her. You being successful / connected makes girls more into you. We can’t help that anymore than we can help the fact that we always think we need to lose 10lbs. That’s just how it is.

That said, there are other things that can work to your advantage, too like interesting hobbies (writer, surf, travels, artist-type) or goals (now I’m X, but I’m working on starting my own business, helping kids who have cancer, etc) that may be sufficient for her expectations for you fitting the type she’s hooking up with. Look, I know this may seem shallow, but you’re the one just looking for a hookup, I think you have little moral highroad at his point.

So taking into consideration that you have to do all three of these things in the period of time it takes her to slam that Malibu and pineapple, I encourage you to practice, practice, practice. But, probably the most important part is that you have fun when you’re doing this so little has been lost if it turns out she’s a super-bitch. Don’t let it bruise your ego or let your expectations be so tied up in your game that you aren’t even able to play it and if you lose, you can’t enjoy yourself after. I’ve seen guys react that way one too many times, and my friends, a night out is a terrible thing to waste.

A note to the ladies: Don't be bitching at me that you are more complicated than this--I know, I know, and we'll get into that more in parts two and three.


Blogger Madelyn said...

Dead on.

11:41 AM  
Blogger KassyK said...

Agreed...so right on. They dont need to be rich etc...but have SOMETHING you are passionate about...movies, sports ANYTHING.

And all girls want to feel pretty...and your right--not just in that regular sense.

I have always been self conscious about my curly hair and pale skin and when I met a guy who told me that he thought it was beautiful...not my eyes...my smile...but my skin...It was incredible. Just incredible.

11:55 AM  
Blogger Ashburnite said...

Great post- thanks for breaking that down for the boys. A lot of them forget to make women "feel pretty."

12:00 PM  
Blogger V said...

M: Thanks

Kassy: Yep, there is always at least one button and if he's worth talking to, he'll find it.

Ash: Thanks, and it is important, I think people get so caught up in how to play the game they forget some fundamentals.

12:03 PM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

The great majority of men I know should to have this post tattooed on the undersides of their eyelids. Nice.

12:05 PM  
Blogger V said...

AUA: But you get all the credit for calling me out on not having posted the version for the guys. They can thank you :)

12:11 PM  
Blogger Buttercup Allbright said...

Would that I had started reading your blog some months ago. You make excellent points, though - thanks!

12:42 PM  
Blogger Virgle Kent said...

I wish I could actually comment something original but someone stole it already. Thanks for the tip though… now I know what I’ve been doing wrong. Telling women I have a 40 ounce on ice back at my moms house just wasn’t cutting it. I am forever in your debt.

2:28 PM  
Blogger V said...

Butter: Sure thing--just some ideas and that's great if they help.

VK: Please, you and a 40 is any girls dream date ;)

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You guys are so weird. This usually works for me:
"I just went balls deep into an econometrics exam. You could be next."

4:38 PM  
Blogger V said...

Oh snap, that's a good one, D. Do you do the pirate accent, too?

4:43 PM  
Blogger dn said...

"This is going down in three parts."

You know, I read that sentence and... Well, let's just say I thought these were going to be very, very different tips for your fellas.

7:22 PM  
Anonymous slingblade said...

"Yew remind me of Tanya Harding."

11:21 PM  
Blogger V said...

Dn: Hum, that's a good idea, too. But I think that's been covered by almost every male mag...

Sling: So weird...

1:39 PM  
Anonymous slingblade said...

Ah reckon ah know muh place in society.

6:37 PM  

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