Friday, May 19, 2006

Weekend Round-up: Full of vice OR Poker, Booze and “Pros”

Booze and Poker, that’ll sum it up.

Poker: Well, I’ve got at least two poker games this weekend and possibly another on Sunday. I am bordering on what the pros call “sick” due to my excessive playing. I did, however, win $90 at a Chinatown game on Wednesday so that makes up for a few losses here and there. My game tonight is with some nice gentlemen who were kind enough to let me play in their private game. As the only female who has played with this group, I really gave a poor showing last month as I went out first. Terrible. I hope to represent the ladies well tonight, however. Then on Saturday there is the big regional tournament that people who have won smaller tournaments get to go to. That means everyone will be reasonably good, and probably some will be very good. This event may have as many as 600 people at it! Should be interesting.

Booze: I also have two bottles of sparkling red wine to get through while not playing poker (poker and booze is a bad mix for me) so that means I’ll be hitting it hard when possible. I also am optimistic that I will be having a bev or two with a certain celeb this weekend (Note to self: Bring the calla lillies).

So as you might have guessed, I’m not really into marriage or kids. But, this morning, my dad sent me this e-mail: It is hard to believe that your mom and i have been married 30 years. Been a great ride but it is soo good because we had you guys. Love you DAD Shit. Maybe I should have kids. Pass these dirty Indian genes along to the next generation.

After my weekend of poker and booze, I’m cleansing my soul with a donation to Windy’s (hottie on my right in photo) campaign to be the Leukemia & Lymhoma Society Woman of the Year. You too can be purged by donating at

In other news, this has pussy scam written all over it: Have you seen Screw myspace bitches, why have I been wasting my time on the trannies in Bowie for??

Anyway, I learned from this post where a woman decribes dating Charlie Sheen:
He's about as sick as they come," says the aspiring actress in her late 20s, who looks a schoolgirl-ish 18. "He posed as a talent scout [and] left a message that was, like, 'Hi, this is Mr. Jonze, I'm interested in seeing more pictures of you.' When I called him back, after a few minutes of talking, he told me who he was. We dated for about a month. He's such a [bleep]ing perv. He would ask me to dress up, like, in pigtails and schoolgirl outfits. I don't think he's like a pedophile, but he's definitely into really young girls. You know like 18, 19. I don't doubt that everything his wife is saying now is true. He was a big talker, and once I asked him if he was this open with all his girlfriends. He said that he was. He said, 'I like to get to know everyone, even pros.' He calls prostitutes pros . . . He would take Viagra every time before sex, which is kind of weird."

Oh snap, let’s discuss:
1. I am only referring to prostitutes as “pros” from now own…give them the respect they deserve. I mean hooker is as passé as secretary, it’s administrative assistant and pros for a more PC way of life.

2. Okay, I know I’ve said it before, but so many women are so stupid. Here’s a fucking newsflash for this chicken head: Men like 18 years olds, they like them in school girl outfits and they like to do really dirty shit to them. It may be perverse but it’s also NORMAL. Tell me I’m wrong.

3. Seriously, Charlie Sheen has run though all the puss puss from LA to the Valley that he has to use the fine services of millionare Don’t get me wrong, I’m filling out a profile over lunch, but I’m not a rich celeb with fantastic hair.

4. I love Charlie Sheen. Have you SEEN Men at Work? It’s probably on TBS right now if you have a minute. And, you'll see, genius like that can't be stifled. Denise needs to have a heart-to-heart with Hillary. Seriously, girl.


Anonymous cjt said...

I'm afraid I have an issue with #2. It's way too generalizing and as a middle aged man I know that any 18 year old is far out of reach for me. This is why my more realistic preferences are with hard drinking poker playing brunettes of 25 smoking a cigar while wearing a visor and My Little Pony Pajamas as I luridly recite Kyle Foley's poetry to her.

12:27 PM  
Blogger V said...

ctj is a funny guy :)

12:30 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

OH I better see you somewheres this weekend, missy.

I got some single celebration to do.

You heard me right.

12:30 PM  
Blogger V said...

K: WHAT! Expect an e-mail from me pronto!

12:32 PM  
Blogger Ashburnite said...

what is the big deal about Charlie Sheen liking girls to dress up like schoolgirls?? I don't know a single man who wouldn't be turned on by that. And honestly, if he needs some ass, he can come right here to DC and I'd be happy to help him out.

12:42 PM  
Blogger Ashburnite said...

oh, and have you heard of I just found out about it the other day- and there are some guys in this area! Better believe I'm signing up for that!

12:43 PM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

I fold.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Virgle Kent said...

Charlie Sheen was Colin Farrell before Colin Farrell was Colin Farrell. Charlie Sheen is a pink getting Hollywood legend. RESPECT!!! It a little known fact that the only men in history to get more ass than Charlie sheen is Wilt Chamberlain and Burt Reynolds and Frank Sinatra. That broad should be so lucky to dress up and wear pig tails for such a legend.

What an ungrateful pro!

2:14 PM  
Blogger V said...

Ash: Sing it sister, that's as normal as liking T&A. Will check out ASAP.

Fitz: Not you!

VK: No shit, he lives life the way everyman would if he could. Come on, bang bang and then come home to something like Denise Richards...please--that's living.

2:20 PM  
Blogger KassyK said...

HAHAHA great post...Although for me the only diff VKENT btwn Charlie Sheen and Colin is that Colin (in my humble opinion) is super hot and Charlie isnt. I dont find him sexy at all....

BUT that being said--there is a reason Schoolgirl outfits are the most popular costume for 20 somethings to wear...its to turn on MEN!


Kathryn--um, what was that comment? Even as someone out of the loop I caught that...could I be going home at a worse weekend?!


2:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have a great weekend!
I will be in New York City this weekend.
Let's hang soon.

2:26 PM  
Blogger V said...

Kassy: You got that right, that's why I'd be the worst L ever, chicks are too complicated. I love a simple man (betas not included). Have a great weekend--

Chase: Oh, NYC! I'm sooo jealous--have fun and yes, lets def get together soon--I gotta hear how your Oprah show is going--you'll totally be her new Gail :)

2:29 PM  
Blogger KassyK said...

Chase---Let's hope we run into each other at Bobby Flay's place. I'll be the not so tall (yet not so short) one with the group of semi-giants...My family is TALL.


V-Have yourself a lovely weekend as well...and after the School Girl Costume, I'd say its the French Maid and then Playboy Bunny that these guys love...yea they are cliche but thats why men love them...bc MEN are cliche...and thats why we love them...bc WE are cliche...and so on and so on....

2:35 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

I love skimming through comments and getting info like Kathryn WTF??? and Chase is doing Oprah?! Awesome.

And V dear, enjoy your poker. Do you wear sunglasses while playing?

2:59 PM  
Blogger V said...

Kassy: Or, you can just put "sexy" in front of anything and boys love it cause it's all slutted up: kitty, nurse, teacher, dancer, pirate, fairy, nun, etc.

Heather: No sunglasses and I judge peopel who wear them, too. I think being about to maintain a "poker face" sans sunglasses is very important--it's like the DH of baseball.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

"you can just put "sexy" in front of anything"

"DH of baseball"

Another theory shot down....

Oh, and #2 is wrong. I hate 18 year olds. Unless it's my sister. Not sure if that came out right....

3:21 PM  
Blogger V said...

Sean: I can't judge you love for you're sister, I'm from Oklahoma, I was engaged to my cousin at one point.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

Cousin isn't THAT bad....was he hot?

4:18 PM  
Anonymous cjt said...

Thank you V but sadly the only outlet for my humor at the moment is on strangers blogs.

Also, I was going write "busty brunettes" but you may have thought I meant I didn't.

6:16 PM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

I mispoke before, which I am coming to understand is common inside the Beltway. What I meant to say is that "I flop" and anxiously await for you to exploit my time released Viagra.

10:29 PM  
Anonymous alberto v. gonzales said...

This comment above just got you fired. I won't mention your blog...just this comment alone.
We don't want people like you representing us to the public.

10:58 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

No one works the hookers and blow like Chuck Sheen.

12:17 PM  

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