Monday, April 24, 2006

Myspace continues.

Well, after the flurry of excitement around talking to some of my old buds from high school, I am already a little tired of myspace.

Check out this interesting NYT article

My favorite weird myspace e-mail so far came from a guy who noticed in my profile that I like poker:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Thomas
Date: Apr 21, 2006 11:29 AM

u should call my friend phil XXX-XX-XXXX he has a my space account also he's a pro the pros' named him bird man hell be in atlantic city this weekend

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: V
Date: Apr 21, 2006 11:37 AM

Um, thanks. I'm not going to Atlantic City this weekend. Are you saying that I should call him because he has games in the DC area?


----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Thomas
Date: Apr 21, 2006 11:40 AM

we use to gamble at the owl bar in maryland till it got busted do u know any local games the reason why i gave u my friends .. is u have a lot in common

So, I don’t know this guy OR his friend, but he still feels like I should go to Atlantic City with his buddy because we “have a lot in common.” So I’m just going to go on overnight trips with any dude who likes poker and happens to have a myspace account? Probably not.

And, we shall all benefit from the wisdom of youth as Maime’s nineteen year old sister from Iowa and myspace expert has forwarded me tips for myspace.com etiquette.

Holly suggests:

one.
If you're ugly,
stop acting like you don't know it.
The captions under you picture that says
"top model pose"
"sexy bitch"
"aint i hot"
doesn't convince anyone.

two.
To the people who have like 25,000 friends,
are you serious?
Nobody in this universe can keep up with that many friends.
You're stupid.
Go play in traffic.

three.
Don't ever post pictures and say
"OMG, I'm so ugly"
"OMG, I'm so fat"
because if you really thought you were,
you wouldn't post them.

four.
Nobody cares about threats over the internet.
Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard.
Fighting online is like racing in the special Olympics;
even if you win,
you're still retarded.

five.
Making 20 bulletins a day
about how you have new pictures
and begging people to comment on them is pathetic.
Make the bulletin once if you have to,
and those who actually care about you
will comment on your pics.

six.
If all your pictures look the same,
don't post them all.
Please put some variety in your pics.
Nobody wants to see your face
8 different ways.

seven.
Who really gives a shit if
I don't accept you as a friend?
MOVE ON!!!
Don't send me another request or message asking
"what's up with you not adding me?"
I don't want you as a friend;
that's what's up!

eight.
Little 6th graders who have MySpace
and look like sluts,
go somewhere else
because nobody wants you here.

nine.
If you have decided to read this,
you are a true MySpace Friend.
Real friends read their bulletins.

ten.
I say you go and pass this on
and maybe it will finally get through people's brains
(if they have them).

eleven.
And if you open a bulletin and it says something like
"repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape your dog tonight,"
IT'S NOT REAL!
QUIT ACTING FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!!

7 Comments:

Blogger Virgle Kent said...

I’m pretty sure going on overnight trips to Atlantic city with guys you just met on myspace is how most girls end up in the human sex slave trade over in Thailand smuggling drugs and giving (minimum) hand jobs to Chinese business men for nothing. Maximum well you saw the end of Requiem for a dream didn’t you?

With that said what are you doing this weekend? Wanna go to Vegas and do some gambling?

3:35 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

"we use to gamble at the owl bar in maryland till it got busted do u know any local games the reason why i gave u my friends .. is u have a lot in common"


This six degrees of Kevin Bacon thing is really getting out of control. I saw the movie "Rounders" once, can I come? Jesus these MS freaks are sick.

4:04 PM  
Blogger KassyK said...

Ah...such a classic post I think I will bulletin it on my own profile. ;-)...I'll say it again...myspace is scary!

4:08 PM  
Blogger Heather B. said...

This is reason 456 for why I don't do My Space. 6th graders on there is completely classic and ridiculous.

4:16 PM  
Blogger V said...

VK: Vegas, huh, will there be handies for Chinese Businessmen involved?

Sean: Right. like I'm going just jump at the chance to overnight it w/ some guy lovingly referred to as "Bird Man"

Kassy: LOVE that Nic pic

Heather: Best case scenario it's 6th graders, big, killer pervs is probably more like it.

[V leaves to quickly check her myspace account]

4:21 PM  
Blogger dn said...

Did Holly write a MySpace poem? Formatting to flow, it had a real lyrical quality.

6:30 PM  
Blogger Phil said...

Thomas's lack of punctuation is what bothers me the most.

3:08 PM  

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