Thursday, April 27, 2006

MMM, leftovers.

V Note: I'm off to another wedding in Kansas so I thought I would throw a little recycled slop your way. This post may be familiar, but it is classic Circle V and I wrote it at the last Kansas wedding I attended and I am already late for happy hour and I don't care.

If I don't get real drunk and blog before, have a great weekend. And, I will be sleeping in the poodle wallpaper room, again.


Well, here I sit. Friends of mine are off with lesbian strippers. Probably drunk having the best time of their entire life. But, I was able to help my stranded coworkers get some Bush-response press releases out so that's cool, too. Also, I don't have a dick. And, I am not a lesbian stripper (yet). Ah, the bachelor party. What a good idea. Of course it just sucks because (of course) no one can tell the bride.

I feel pretty good about my understanding of dudes. Dudes seem pretty easy to figure out. About 95% of them just want some regular, moderately attractive ass that is there for them when they are ready to settle down for a spell. For dudes not at this stage then it's a crap shoot.

But ladies,
if you are with a nice guy who treats you well and seems to be pretty into you, then may I recommend a few tips to keep him around longer (unless you don't want to keep him a la How to Lose a Guy in blah, blah then do these things).

1. Stop bitching. Look, the more you bitch the more his friends hate you and he stops listening when you speak. You open mouth to bitch he close ears to think of pussy...not yours.

2. Don't whine for attention. So he's been busy or checking out other girls or stuff. You are pissed but can't say anything because it would be lame. So you pick and pick and pick. Stop it. It is not worth it. Think about how little it matters and how he doesn't throw all the stupid shit you do in your face. For example, to use generalizations (obviously) think about your need to tell him all sorts of stuff. Or how you need to talk about new clothes or any topic you KNOW he is not interested in. Okay, in much the same way, I think dudes need to check out girls and think about other girls. I also think girls do these things, but I'm not on that topic.

3. Be surprisingly cool. I am of the persuasion that you can talk yourself into being rational. I think most emotional responses are irrational (love them as I do). It is important to work really hard to pull yourself out of the situation and think about if it is worth being a bitch about it. Because let's face it, when you are comfortable with a go from BJ to bitch in like 2.6.

4. If you trust him, trust him. He going out with the boys then don't bitch...he's going to a bachelor party then don't bitch...he's talking about an attractive young girl he met then don't bitch. Jealously is GROSS. And, it gets you no where (unless he's into it and that's a different issue altogether).

I realize this might seem a little rude to girls or maybe stereotyping too much. And, you'd be right. But the fact is it makes me sad to see dudes with broken spirits due to getting in a bad situation with some nice girl turned hag.

I will work on a list in reverse for the ladies, but let's be honest, it's much easier for dudes.

Time to go to bed. There are poodles on the wallpaper.


Blogger Floyd said...

Apparently it's not that much harder for the ladies. See: "How you can celebrate Black History Month every month" or scroll down.

BSD nailed it - that post could have been two sentences long: Want to sleep with (insert color) men? Wear revealing clothing and go where they hang out.

12:31 AM  
Blogger KassyK said...

V-LOVE this post...You sound like me talking to half my friends. They are split into two groups...Normal, fun, nonannoying girls (I like to think I fit in there) and then girls who started out normal and went bonkers in the relationship.

Those other crazy biatches I dont befriend. They tend to befriend each other right? And then we all get a bad name.

Heres to girls who "get it"

Cheers and enjoy your weekend.


11:55 AM  
Blogger Maime said...

not quite lesbian strippers over the weekend... but it was kinky fun!

10:13 AM  

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