Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Guest Blogger Maime: How You Can Celebrate Black History Every Month

V Note: I have asked Maime, one the foremost experts on dating black men, to help out my white girl readers who are inexperienced in the art of dating a black man.

Part I: White Girl Seeks Black Man

Welcome to DC. You may not have known it when you moved here, but this is the black eligible bachelor capitol of America. Time and time again, white women ask, “Where can I find a good black man?” Well, white sisters, here is your invitation to the Afro-centric world… And I am here to confess that you will enjoy the journey to better O’s and more culture.

At this point, you are asking yourself if you really are into black men and if you really want to take that risk. What are the chances he could be a drug dealer or murderer? Pretty slim. And, DC has the best black can bring us! According to Ebony Magazine, DC has the highest concentration of Black college graduates in the nation.

Most black men out there are chubby chasers… that’s right. They love them some BBW. We are talking ass, thighs, and lots o titties.

For those of you who don’t know, BBW, defined in the urban world is:

1. A leading term used by many as Big Beautiful Woman.
2. An empowering alternative and politically correct description for the plus size woman as opposed to the derogatory term of Fat.
3. A woman who is over the so-called weight standards.
4. A cute fat chick. And yes, they do exist right here in DC.

So you got some junk in the trunk and like the idea of sexual chocolate? Well, white sista, let’s talk about where you can find a real man that appreciates your curves and knows how to satisfy.
HBCU-licious--This is the town that houses Howard University. As a Historically Black Colleges and University (HBCU), Howard has both undergraduate students and graduate schools of law, medicine, dentistry and divinity. And let me just tell you how “divine” some of these brothas are. There is a reason Ludacris (who be Pimpin’ all over the world) comes back every year for the Homecoming. Sean Combs (P Diddy) spent four years walking the streets of DC. With a very active student activity committee, there are always great events that white girls are welcomed to attend. Or you can hang out at the Howard Law Library and make sure you are looking your hottest. There is nothing wrong with wearing your favorite intimate, cleavage showing top with a pair of ass tight jeans while looking through the card catalog.

Finding Jesus. The nation’s capital houses some of the most fantastic black churches. And let me tell you, this is where you’re going to find some nice black men in suits. If you want to see the softer side, (or if you want to get your hair pulled, get slapped, or bit by some black BIOTCH with fake hair and fingernails sharper than knives who think you’re workin’ their men), wake up early on Sunday and go get religious. Personally, I find church to be an unnecessary sacrifice for my hot chocolate.

O Z I O. Let me say it again. OZIO. Ozio is one of the best bars to go to in DC if you want the best black man to white girl ratio. Question is: Can you handle 10 black men giving you all that attention… Ozio is a fun cigar bar for happy hour and turns into the best kind of club on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Ozio has the men who will cuddle with you, take you to dinner, and drive you home in their Benz. Or if you are just trying to get railed, there are some BBC’s waiting at the door (or in the fourth floor VIP area).

1223. If you are up to the challenge of Ozio, then maybe it’s time to take it down the block to 1223. Wednesday night it is BIG club night there for black men (and women), but the weekends are usually pretty great, too. And, don’t overlook the bouncers. If memory serves correct, there are some fine men working the door, too.

Pearl, A venue, etc. If you are nervous about the idea of going on the hunt, you might want to start small at “traditionally” black clubs. Places like Pearl and A venue have lots of hotties and fun VIP rooms with much less pressure. You can take some girlfriends along (preferably those who are bootilicious) and hang out at the bar. You can expect maybe one or two hotties to buy you a drink, versus the onslaught of balla attention at aforementioned clubs.

Get Involved Locally
There are plenty of good black causes to be around in the DC area. And if you want to do some good and get laid, then here are some ideas for the double hit.

As previously Noted, the hottest ticket around is the Fenty for Mayor Campaign. Adrian Fenty (say his name in a deep, low voice- it turns you on) is the hottest member of the City Council since DC came to have a council. He may be married, but you know there are some hot, successful black men around him who might be a little over worked … looking for a little release. That is where you come in!

Sign up to volunteer or check his public calendar at http://www.fenty06.com/. Or call his office or email him. And remember, he is your representative. He has to talk to you. You just have to be creative in the questions you ask him...

The Honorable Adrian M. FentyWard
4 Councilmember
1350 Pennsylvania Avenue, N.W., Suite 408
Washington, D.C. 20004
(202) 724-8052 (202) 724-8120 (fax)


Go native. If politics aren’t your style, go to the local neighborhood club to volunteer. Lots of successful black men play sports there or volunteer themselves. Otherwise, try your presence at a black art gallery or museum. Educated black men are always trying to be more cultural. Why shouldn’t you be too?

Or, when all else fails, just put on your most revealing tank top (wear a black bra that shows through) and short shorts. Go running or speed walking down K Street around 5:30pm or U Street during dinner time. And let some of that phat jiggle. Trust, me they really like those big pretty legs.

This is the first of several posts that will help you find your black Soul mate. If you have a question in the meantime, you can e-mail me at whitegirls4blackmen@hotmail.com

And one last tip – don’t forget the Magnum XL’s.

29 Comments:

Blogger Virgle Kent said...

Oh Lord this post is such a bad idea, it’s going to probably get you more hate than the time I suggested taking all the mentally handicapped people and old people and blending them up to make a protein shake. Being a FMFBM ( Fine motherfucking black man) myself I must point out some things in this post. It only points to the political brothas and the brothas in suits. But there are many different types of us out there in the D.C area. I belong to two sub categories. There’s the:

Professional athlete/ balla. Plays for the Redskins, Wizards, or Freddy Adu

The up and coming balla. Balla who doesn’t have much now but his earning potential in unlimited. You should get him now while he’s on the come up.

The Fake balla. Look up the word scrub in the urban dictionary.

The straight from the motherland balla. This is the best of the best. The elite if you will of Black men in D.C. This certain person was born in Africa and his family’s genetic makeup has not been altered by 200 years of American crappy food. Therefore his body is usually perfect and his facial features are exotic. Did I mention they were well hung?

Another good place to find them is on the Mc Donald’s in Adams Morgan after the bars let out, trying to holla at girls. I mean I wouldn’t know or anything, just sayin.

One last thing The Straight from the motherland balla is not into BBW…. Anymore I mean yeah he might have gone though a phase in college and a year or two after. But now it’s all about Asians or brunets or anything mixed.

holla

1:26 PM  
Blogger V said...

VK: This is an excellent addition to Maime's post. I would say that while she generally likes those poli/suit boys, she also has dated some sports guys and general FMFBM.

1:50 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

OK Virgle, I'll give it a shot....

"What are the chances he could be a drug dealer or murderer? Pretty slim."

-If by slim you mean pretty good, you're right. Just stay out of SE and you'll be fine.

"(or if you want to get your hair pulled, get slapped, or bit by some black BIOTCH with fake hair and fingernails sharper than knives who think you’re workin’ their men), wake up early on Sunday"

-Um, you are workin' their men, you white skank.

"There are plenty of good black causes to be around in the DC area."

-This is just pathetic and transparent. Another fake white girl down with the struggle. I'm sure a black man can't see through this overt racism.

"And one last tip – don’t forget the Magnum XL’s."

-Of course men of color don't have their own condoms and are well hung. Nice job Goebbels! The only thing you forgot was the bucket of fried chicken. Jesus.

Good with all that....

2:27 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Oh this post is pretty entertaining. I hope all you white girls looking for black guys have lots of fun!
This is Chocolate City...lots of black guys around to choose from. Go get you some! ha ha

Sean, as fasr as the comment, "If by slim you mean pretty good, you're right."
I think that is a racist comment. Are you implying that most black men are criminals? That's pretty fucked up! Check yourself!

I think she (and anyone else) can date whomever they want. I, for one am all about interracial dating.

More people should be open to dating AND getting involved with different cultures.

Who cares! She makes some good points on where to find great black men.
I just wish someone would put it out there where to find hot successful white men attracted to black women! :-)

3:38 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

It was a comment about SE Chase. Check your ADD. It's in the very next sentence. Gee, how did I know you'd be all over me. That never happens ;-)

"I think she (and anyone else) can date whomever they want. I, for one am all about interracial dating."

Now, do you think this is a post about dating, or just hooking up? Successful black men I know would be glad to accommodate women like this (get a bj in their Lexus) but date them? BWA HA HA HA! Yeah right.

4:13 PM  
Blogger J. Serpentine said...

Goebbels? Seriously? You thought that because a chick is trying to write something a little funny using a few harmless stereotypes she should be compared to a Nazi? Well, now YOU have offended ME. Not because it trivializes the Holocaust or the pure evil that was the Nazis, but because I'm pretty sure you have no idea who Goebbels was and you just used his name to show you watched the History Channel once and you know a leader in the Third Reich who wasn't Hitler. Too clever for your own good, don't you think?

4:19 PM  
Blogger V said...

Sean: I appreciate your attempt to rebut, let me just point out a couple things.

When you say "Um, you are workin' their men, you white skank" I think you are saying a girl who tries to meet nice hot black guys in church is a skank. That actually seems opposite of skank to me. Or, is it because she is white and is meeting black men? Does that make every interracial half skank?

And, on helping out causes that the “black community” cares about, I would guess that many are the same causes the "white community" would also care about. Also, since Maime mostly dates black men, many of those causes are probably just as important to her now as that happens when you are with someone and become more aware of his or her interests.

As far as black men being well hung and sometimes not having condoms, that's not a stereotype or generalization, I'm pretty sure that's her personal experience. And, why wouldn't you want to be on the safe side and have condoms just in case he doesn't? I don't think that's racist at all, it’s just smart.

I think the real danger is when people throw their arms up and scream racist when it's more about dialog and understanding from a person's genuine interest and own personal experience. Sure it's a playful post, but it's sincere.

Sorry if you don't see it that way.

Chase: Word up, girl.

4:20 PM  
Blogger V said...

Sean: And, on your follow-up to Chase, sure hooking up is cool, but the post def mentioned finding your black "soul mate," check your ADD, my man.

And ask all the "black men you know" if they wouldn't be interested in dating a smart hot girl who finds them attractive?

4:29 PM  
Blogger Blondesurferdude said...

I can't wait for all the mad hate that's about to be thrown out here. Hopefully my comment here will incur massive amounts of hatred. Somebody posted this (I realize this is a meta-meta-comment, but anyway...):

"Sean, as fasr as the comment, "If by slim you mean pretty good, you're right."
I think that is a racist comment. Are you implying that most black men are criminals? That's pretty fucked up! Check yourself!"

The question is, what's the probability that someone is a drug dealer, conditioned on the fact that he/she is African-American. I don't know the answer. Maybe this Sean guy does. But in any case, it's a question of fact. The answer to the question can't be racist or not racist.

This is a pet peeve of mine in public debate in general. The truth can never be racist or sexist or morally wrong in any way. Say the probability that a black person is a drug dealer is higher than the probability that any random person is a drug dealer. How is it racist to state that fact, if it is true?

Say, for example, that 1/3 of all black males 18-30 have spent some time in jail. I don't know what the real number is, but it's certainly higher than the same figure for the population in general. That's a simple fact. If you see a young black male walking down the street, it is more likely that he is a criminal than the young non-black male that you see walking on the same street 5 minutes later. What you DO with that information can be racist or not racist. If you attribute CAUSES to this fact without basis, that is racist. But to be aware of that fact is not racist.

This same kind of phony intellectualism permeated the debate of Larry Summers' comments on the dearth of tenured female professors at Harvard. This attitude that some facts must be wrong because they seem racist cripples debate and prevents society from identifying and ameliorating real problems.

4:30 PM  
Blogger Blondesurferdude said...

I should note for people that are getting ready to drop some hate on me - the percent of a population that has been incarcerated isn't necessarily a good estimator of the percent of that population that has broken the law. With respect to the black population in the United States, it has been argued, convincingly I think, that a much higher percentage of blacks that commit crimes are put in jail, and there is also a higher percentage of blacks that HAVEN'T committed crimes that are put in jail. If you wanted to investigate the issue of what percent of each population has commited a crime, you would definitely want to take that into account, if all you had was data on incarceration rates.

4:43 PM  
Blogger V said...

Blondesurferdude: Obviously (and because we have had these conversations before) I'm going too deep into this, however, we are not talking about a total population here, you are talking about the place with the highest concentration of college educated black men or whatever. My guess is that there is a correlation between less criminal activity and having a college degree.

But, I think Chase's point stands because we are talking about a pretty specific sample of guys, which Sean still took to mean that they probably were drug dealers or whatever just because they were black--which doesn't seem racist it is racist. That's like saying if you date a white guy under the age of 30 who is from a rural area, you should assume he is on meth rather than having his PhD.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

J, get off the high horse, and take a breath.....

V, Virgle made me do it. It's just satire, maybe bad satire, but that's my brand. That said, there are plenty of skanks going to church. Also, I don't believe in collectivism based on race (black community, white community, this community, that community) so I agree on "I would guess that many are the same causes the "white community" would also care about." I mean come on, this crap is what breeds racism in my experience. Many people want it both ways though.

4:47 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

V, I was talking about SE!!!!!!!!!!!

4:49 PM  
Blogger Blondesurferdude said...

V -
Yes, I would imagine that people with college degrees are less likely to deal drugs and commit murders. But my point is that in your head you are estimating conditional probabilities, which will probably be different from unconditional probabilities. You are using information about a person's appearance and/or background to formulate beliefs about what they might be likely to do. Some people would call that racist, and insist that you ignore all this information and stubbornly believe that a 5'2, 120 lb. Asian girl in a business suit you see in your morning elevator ride at work is just as likely to have a criminal record as the 6'5, 230 lb black guy that you see walking home from work at 10 at night.

This is idiotic. What you (and, perhaps more importantly, the government) DO with that information is the relevant moral criterion. For instance, the government could USE that information to limit suspects in murder cases to unemployed black males in their 20s, and then once they've eliminated all of them, move on to other suspects. I think we can all agree THAT would be racist (as well as classist, ageist and sexist).

Anyway, I hope I've made my point.

5:01 PM  
Blogger V said...

Sean: No, what you said was "if by slim you mean pretty good," which I understand you were making a joke abour SE, but that's not how it came across.

Blonde: Agreed and as I've learned w/ you, anytime you bust out the "unconditional probabilities" card, the point has been made.

5:07 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

Then sorry I was misunderstood. I would never say what you thought I implied. Just like if Chase thought I had a problem will interracial dating. She should know better by now though ;-) Peace.

5:15 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

Sean I know you are just an evil bastard! That is why I like you! :-)

Blondesurferdude, you make valid points...you do. However, I still disagree. I could throw as many stats as you can about whether or not a black male is more likely to be a criminal that other groups. People create facts and spin information to further their beliefs all the time. Yeah, there may be more black men in arrested and in jail but that doesn't mean that there is not an equal (or more) amount of white men doing the same thing...black are just targeted more AND are more likely to go to prison than whites.
We could go back and forth on this forever.
We are just going to have to agree to disagree.
I will say this though, it is very sad for you (or anyone else) to go through life assuming things about people based on their color, class, gender, sexual orientation, age, etc. That means you are prejudice.
So, go ahead and keep thinking that all the big black men you see are criminals and maybe one day someone will prove you right or hopefully, you will let go of your fear and prejudice and see people as no better or worse than you. Maybe you will see them as capable of doing as many good and bad things as you.
Or better yet, since you fear/feel most black men are going to enter into a life of crime....maybe you can avail yourself to volunteering your time and wisdom to help keep some black youth on the straight and narrow.
Otherwise you are not contributing anything except a lot of hot air.

6:03 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Miss V always has the most interesting photographs on her blog. One day it's her Life of the Party Brother, another day it's Mr. I Always Rest Easier in my Calvins.

7:03 PM  
Blogger Blondesurferdude said...

Chase -
You are confused about what I said. I'm not advocating "assuming things about people based on their color, class, gender, sexual orientation, age, etc...." It is a FACT that these conditional probabilities are different from unconditional probabilities (I should note that people tend to underestimate differences in these probabilities). There is no agreeing to disagree on this point. It is fact.

But conditional probabilities are only probabilities - they only tell you things that are likely to be true about someone. When I see a black person I do not assume they are a convicted felon. For one thing, even if the incarceration rate for a young black male is 1/3, it's more likely that they've never been in prison. But for another, the probability only defines a distribution of a random variable, not any given realization of that variable. What it does mean is that if you take 1000 random black males and 1000 random white males, there is a huge probability that a higher fraction of the black males are, or have been in jail, or unemployed, or without a high school diploma.

Here's an analogy. Say you have two CD burners; one that produces CDs flawlessly, the other makes a good CD 2/3 of the time, but 1/3 of the CDs it makes don't work. If you have a CD from the faulty burner, do you throw it away? Of course not - it could be one of the good ones. But at the same time, shouldn't you get the bad burner fixed? Or should you insist against all evidence to the contrary that it works just as well as the other one?

This is more than just hot air. When we try to ignore differences in these conditional probabilities, we are avoiding troubling social problems. Blacks, particularly black males, are dropping out of high school, not finding jobs, getting arrested, and having illegitimate children at alarming rates. People think that saying this is racist. It's not. It's fact. Facts cannot be racist. And how could we ever change those facts if we refuse to believe they exist?

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anon said...

Here's a link to the US homicide stats, broken down by race:
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/homicide/race.htm

I do think that when you talk facts you get branded as racist, which is why I'm posting anonymously. And as much as some people would like to believe African-Americans are targeted by law enforcement, I know this is not the case wholesale because of friends in law enforcement (there are exceptions, of course). Many jurisdictions are under extreme political pressure to keep the numbers of Af-Am criminals down, lest they be seen as racist.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

Chase, without evil, there is no good. You only like me? Well I LOVE you baby!

BSD, stop smoking pot. Just get to the point.

Anon, these women are smart enough not to deal with the "general black population", so the numbers don't apply. What, you didn't get the memo? They are only concerned with the (good looking) blacks with a college education, making the dough. Make no mistake, this post was on every level, racist and condicending. They're a little green, that's all. One day, they'll understand. For now, it's just for good fun.

10:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, perpetuate the racist stereotype that of the black man as stud. If you wanted to date black men, all you have to do is be yourself. If you want to fuck a black man, all you have to do is say "wanna fuck?" just like you could to any other man.

Why would you pretend to care about what they care about to FOOL them into fucking you? That you have a manifesto typed up on how to fool a black man into thinking you care about him or his people so you can get "better O’s".

Also, good going contributing to the stereotype that white women are trying to steal all the good black men. Not that it matters, because black men are just fucking-machines, huh?

8:17 AM  
Blogger V said...

Let me get this straight, we're racist because I support my friend in relationships with people not of her race. And, because this white girl has the audacity to date black men, she obviously is using them...because why else would a white girl date a black man?

Yeah, nice fucking points.

9:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sometimes it's fun to throw gas on a fire.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

V: This could be one of your best posts.

11:06 AM  
Blogger Sean said...

V, have your friend go to any black church. After the service (or before, whatever) have everyone gather 'round! Then read out loud the following sage advice:


"If you want to see the softer side, (or if you want to get your hair pulled, get slapped, or bit by some black BIOTCH with fake hair and fingernails sharper than knives who think you’re workin’ their men), wake up early on Sunday and go get religious. Personally, I find church to be an unnecessary sacrifice for my hot chocolate."

Why would that be a problem if there's nothing racist about this? Just explain to all the black ladies (which make up roughly half the black race) this was just playful commentary. Let me know how the experiment turns out. Hope she's in the mood for "running or speed walking" ;-)

11:29 AM  
Blogger O-FACE said...

hilarious---Grade A comedy

9:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL

6:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you people ever get tired of fried chicken? For God's sake, that stuff is nasty. I haven't eaten chicken in years.

6:31 PM  

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