Friday, March 31, 2006

Weekend Round-up: Goodbye LuLu’s OR I’m getting too fucking old edition

As many of you know, LuLu’s Mardi Gras, said to be “the longest running dance club in DC” is closing tonight. That’s right, no more crazy GW hotties or hill interns grinding it out with gigantic cups of beer and beads.

While I wouldn’t say I was a “frequenter” of Lulu’s, I have been there twice. The first time I walked in and walked right out. Yep, it was that bad.

But the second time is more worth sharing in honor of a institution of stat rape and fist fights that shall be dust in the wind.

My girl May and I (back in our party days during the campaign) got real loaded on a Wednesday night. I mean REAL loaded. I believe we were at Sign of the Whale, but it is just as likely that it was Ozio.

So we were stumbling down M street when we arrive at the bridge and both do not feel like going to G-town to continue our debaucheries. Then suddenly, out of the mist and fog comes a warm pink light shinning through with the classic party mask beckoning us hither. And, with no line and no cover, we knew we were home.

Actually, I started making fun of it the moment I walked in. There were lots of ooglers (icky guys watching close just hoping a drunk girl's tit pops out) and tourists. I mean, hello, it was Wednesday night. So May and I struck a compromise. We would have one HUGE beer and leave. That was our plan until suddenly, the karaoke started up. Half- way through our beer, we busted out some goodies. Not just Brit and Madonna, but some G&R and even my all time karaoke best, Laid by James. We were the fly girls for the oogling guys who sang Billy Idol and Enrique Iglesias. After one hour we couldn’t even stand ourselves so we left. Unfortunately, we just went home from there so the Lulu’s adventure was not blacked out like the majority of my evenings. Cruel booze gods.

So still feel the need to hook it up one last time with a GW hottie with a fake ID or maybe more? Well, my friend, tonight is your night to make all those dreams come true.

How was poker last night? Not talking about it. But let me say this: I am happy to teach anyone how to play poker. I love the game and it's fun. But if I play with one more girl who "just wants to have fun" and fucking calls my huge check-raise and gets that shit on the river, I will lose it. What's that, maybe I should play a little tighter and only when I have the nuts? Yeah, not talking about it. However, your own Jack Serpentine did take home the first place prize with his set making prowess. Nice work.

In other Coyote Ugly news, HOLY SHIT was it crowded there. GW was having some kind of a party there and basically even chode in the world was in attendence. First, I can't believe how young 21 is these days. They looked like babies. Tiny, cute, slutty, drunk babies. Also interesting was there were many, many hot girls signing. I am not sure if they were deaf or just studying sign language, but it really warms the heart to see these miscreant frat boys try to sign their come ons. I saw one dude drunkenly give signing cuties the L-O-V-E-U with his fingers. At first I was concerned that if these girls were deaf, they maybe don’t get out much (Helen Keller hits Rumors kind of thing). Then I looked at these girls' slutty hot-off-the-rack Forever 21 getups, and I knew these sisters had a plan. Also the series of Jäger bombs seemed to communicate this wasn't their first rodeo.

To the BIG girl dancing on the bar, please don’t. I appreciate that you were just having fun, but I am pretty sure your skinny friend just dragged you up there so she could feel really, really good about herself. I’ve been on top of a few bars in my day honey, and you gotta know when to roll em and when to fold em.

And, finally, yes, JESUS CHRIST YES! I am going to watch So NoTorious, okay. Sure, I hate Tori Spelling, but hello, that’s the point of the show. It makes mad fun of her. How awesome is that?!

Go Patriots!


Anonymous Days of Broken Arrows said...

Is that Anna Nicole or a drag queen with Tori. I'm being serious; I really can't tell.

1:30 PM  
Blogger V said...

It's the Trani from Nip/Tuck. But, good question.

1:43 PM  
Blogger dn said...

Good to hear ol' "Ace Four" Serpentine got his.

2:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

V you are getting too cranky too young and I am worried.

8:16 PM  

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