Monday, March 13, 2006

“Simple, effective and self explanatory” or When a handy just won't do

For a couple reasons, I am quite aware that tomorrow (March 14) is steak and blowjob day.

This holiest of days was created in 2002 by a radio jockey who explained it like this:

“‘Steak and Blowjob Day.’ Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you love him. No cards, no flowers, no special nights on the town; the name of the holiday explains it all, just a steak and a BJ. That's it. Finally, this twin pair of Valentine's Day and Steak and Blowjob Day will usher in a new age of love as men everywhere try THAT much harder in February to ensure a memorable March. It's like a perpetual love machine!”

I think it is an excellent idea. First, there needs to be an acknowledgement that chicks actually like V-day. It’s become so cool to hate on Valentine’s day that I think we all need admit we actually like it. Sure, I am a part of the female population who enjoys bitching about V-day, as I try to wear my “guys girl” like a goddamn badge. Of course, this is a lie. I like to get stuff and feel special. I like to make my significant other awkwardly sift through his memories and feelings to find non-sexual reasons he enjoys my company. The whole day just hurts so good.

Second, BJ and steak day admits something often forgotten. Straight women ignore the absolute beauty of being in a relationship with a straight man: It’s so damn easy. A man worth keeping is easy in every sense of the word. He is low maintenance, rarely over thinks anything and generally cares mostly about 1. getting off, 2. having good time 3. feeling successful/worthwhile in some capacity and 4. having a lady he can hang with in public. Yep, that’s about it. So while you are overanalyzing his “If that’s what you want” comment for the past four days, he’s happily thinking about bracketology or which series of beamer would make it most likely he could pick up on G-town freshmen. Think I'm underselling? Ask him.

So, as an equal opportunity kind of gal, since you got the flowers, card and favorite positions, so should he. Just not on Feb. 14th. But one month later, that makes some sense. Embrace those stereotypes and buy your man a steak and then work it off with a good hummer. And, mind the stepchildren, it’s their special day, too.

And, check out great steak recipes or BJ tips. Won't he be so happy (and maybe surprised) that you know his heart and soul so well to give him the two things he wants the most.


Blogger RoarSavage said...

"hurts so good." Love it! You're so funny.

So, will we get a run-down of your S&BJ date and how it, uhm, went over?

1:32 PM  
Blogger NotCarrie said...

Hilarious! I was totally going to blog about this tomorrow!!!!

2:26 PM  
Blogger V said...

Roar: Probably not, TMI, I would say :)

NC: It's such an important day, the more we can spread the word, the better.

2:30 PM  
Blogger PRSlaveDC said...

God bless you and your equal opportunity agendas!

4:15 PM  
Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

ok, that was hilarious.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I heart steak & bj day...I would totally partake if there were anyone to give my love to...

...and only if I get some steak too!

9:26 PM  
Blogger V said...

PRSlave: It's only fair

Lonnie: I try

AM: Shit, at least enjoy some steak...and w/ enough martinis who knows! :)

9:37 AM  
Blogger michelle said...

LOL I blogged about this too. We gotta get the word out!

9:49 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

Please forward this to my wife.

1:44 PM  
Anonymous rcr said...

"So while you are overanalyzing his “If that’s what you want” comment for the past four days, he’s happily thinking about bracketology or which series of beamer would make it most likely he could pick up on G-town freshmen."

Bravo. Bravo, indeed.

3:11 PM  
Blogger V said...

Michelle: Excellent

Phil: You think you sending her the link w/ hint hint in the subject line wouldn't go over so well :)

RCR: It is so very you're thinking what, 3 series?

3:48 PM  
Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I wouldn't mind celebrating this day every day.

4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woo! Hoo! Love it, Love it Love it! ha ha Well said my friend, well said.

5:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Did the world really need one more "straight men are status-seeking dumbasses" post? Kanye seems to like nice clothes and Hemingway may have overthought things once or twice. And you won't have too much trouble finding love poems written by men for women if you stop by, oh, western civilization. I'm sorry your boyfriend is a Beamer-driving, statutory-rape-committing dick, but that doesn't describe half of earth's population.

Anyway, enjoy the day.

make mine raaaaaaaaaaare/
... n'don't forget to swallow

7:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

where do i bring the steak

9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where is the equivalent holiday for the female gender?

V I task you to do something about this gross and blatant eniquity.

9:51 AM  
Blogger V said...

RC: I hope you do

Chase: Thanks

Anon 7:23: First, thank you. I haven't had a hater in a while and it feels good. Now, to respond that was not what my post said. My point was an appreciation of the simplicity of happy relationship w/ a male versus how very complex women often think it is. As to your Kanye and Hemingway references I don't get what you're going for there and I'm pretty familiar w/ both. And, how did you know my boyfriend is a dick who drives a beamer and loves stat rape?! That is so weird!

Anon 9:27: Good one.

Anon 9:51: Hm, while I at first contended it was V-day for the ladies, there is a case to made that it should be a different day. I shall give it some consideration and get back to you.

10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes a different day it should be. One half of the requirment is obvious but the food group choice eludes me being male. I mean that which would be eaten, or rather that which is...umm never mind.

A novel approach would be the simultaneous recieving of both gifts yes?

10:24 AM  
Blogger Phil said...

V: I did get laid, but I ate pizza and got no bj.

11:02 AM  
Blogger V said...

Anon 10:24: With modern technology such as the TV tray your fantasy can become a reality!

Phil: Props on getting laid (even if it is your wife). Get her tipsy next time and see if BJ magic happens for you.

11:08 AM  
Blogger dn said...

Stat rape guys have always been your achilles heel, V.

I would prefer Blow and a Steak Job day, wherein I ingest copious amounts of coke while working at Outback.

10:50 PM  
Anonymous Richard said...

In honour of such a great holiday, I offer the following Not-For-Hallmark greetings….

It’s March 14th
You know what that means
I’ll gobble your knob
And juggle your beans
Now eat your steak
Like a good little chum
And when you’re all finished
I’ll swallow your cum!

For more information about this wonderful holiday, make sure to visit:

12:53 AM  

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