Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Dump it: Poker, Celebs, tits and all

Because I am so tired, I am going to piecemeal this post together w/ pics of celebs (yeah!), unsubstaniated opinions about these celebs (double yeah) and poker/Coyote Ugly observations (uh, okay).

On the latter, last night I won third at the poker tourney. While this third means very little, I was still proud. Of course the winner should not have won, she was playing like a fool. It makes me a little angry when people (not just girls, mind you) play stupid. It particularly makes me mad because I used to play that way. It is hard when people have no logic behind their actions. When I hear, "Oh, I don't care, I'll call you," it makes me cringe. I mean hello, if you don't care, why are you playing? I can't play with someone who doesn't care, that means you will probably make some shit hand on the river.

Anyway, this girl who won (nicknamed Tits McGee by Jack Serpentine due to her very padded tank top displaying her wears) was feeling lucky as well as tipsy as she had drank several pink fruity drinks—yes, I didn’t know they had those at Coyote either. Almost every poker player in the world will tell you to play tight against a stupid player. Because they will most certainly call whatever asshole raise you throw out there so you had better have the nuts (best hand) if you go. Of course this doesn’t work well for me because my fatal flaw as a player is PATIENCE. It is a constant struggle for me to not just say all in when I am tired or bored. I think my point here is not that Tits McGee should not play, it’s more what my dad used to always tell me growing up “the only thing you can control is your reaction to other people.” And the more I thought about how she should be playing her hand and how stupid it was that she did this or that, the worse I played. Yeah, the more you know.

Also disturbing was when I was leaving Coyote’s second floor, where the game was held, and peaked at the first floor to see if anyone was dancing to Brit or whatever. What I saw was a bunch of skeezy dudes all looking at one solitary Coyote on the bar. She had a microphone and was lip-synching and N-Sync-ing it to the music. She was fully clothed, not really dressed up much more special than a pair of jeans and tight tee shirt on her size B (tops) boobs, and she was just bouncing and awkwardly flailing her arms to the music. It was so painfully weird. As much as I bitch about women’s behavior and a million other fucking things involving the vaggies, I thank god I do not have a dick. I may be too emotional about some things, but I’ll take crying at a commercial over leering at some 20 year “dancer” with all her clothes on any day of the week. Ew, ew, ew.

Oscars and Celebs you don't want to care about


I thought John Stewart did a very good job. I do think George Clooney’s little retort during his acceptance speech put JS in his place, but all and all he was fresh and funny.

Two of the award winners pissed me off. First, Reese Witherspoon should not have won. I liked Walk the Line a lot. But the only part of the movie worth MENTIONING was Joaquin Phoenix. Witherspoon played a slightly more interesting version of many of the characters she has played in the past. And, I was mad that Crash won. I know, that's so not cool to say because it's a movie about race and everything, but I'm sorry, it's not in the same league as Brokeback. Hollywood (and indeed most people) still are not comfortable with gay themed movies. And, the Academy eased their little liberal minds by not voting for the queers, but for the movie about race. I'm sorry, but Brokeback was not only directed and acted flawlessly, was the most successful movie of all those nominated (which does matter) but it portrayed a love story between two men as just that, a love story. It wasn't the gay friend or the gay guy who says cute things but has no real emotions or sexual relationships like the other straight characters, it was a look at love between a man and a man--something that has never been done in the mainstream before. How sad that even the so-called liberal Hollywood still has a while before they can truly open and comfortable w/ sexuality.



On the the stupid stuff-- what was up with Naomi Watts' dress? That is some nasty shit. What could she possible have thought anyone would say about it other than how terrible she looked. Does her stylist hate her? Why would someone let her wear a dress that makes her look more pale and like she has a baby bump? This woman is so lovely and yet she kinda scares the hell outta me in this thing. She's got that Jane Eyre crazy wife locked in the attic kinda thing goin on.

And, aside from probably being preggers again (YIKES) Brit has also been caught (thanks to the zoom prowess of idontlikeyouinthatway.com) w/ some scars around Brit's tits (espcially the inside of her left). Not sure what to make of that...

Sometimes, when a wave or peace sign just isn't enough, you've got to go for the ol twat lick. L-Lo is certainly on the classy train, choo-choo!

4 Comments:

Blogger RoarSavage said...

OMG. Those boob shots are GROSS! And I'm loving the "choo-choo." Hillarious.

1:11 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

Great piece of writing. You sure covered a lot in such a small amount of space. Laughing. I love that you take your poker seriously. It's always the bimbos who come out on top in these things. I used to work with a woman who would make her office football pool bets on what color uniforms she liked the best. Swear to God. And she would win, too.

The Oscars are never a pulled together polished thing, but this year was dire. All of those stupid film montages. The dress Watts had on could not have been more deconstructed (which is such a dated look already). Jennifer Lopez looked liked she had been pulled out of a martini. I agree with your judgments on Witherspoon and Crash. I saw all of the major movies this year (which is not the norm for me). Capote was the best thing I saw last year...that and a German movie about Hitler. Everyone I know loved Crash, but for me it was riddled with clichés. Too heavy handed. Brokeback was a lovely film across the board and definitely should have won. I'm not sure Brokeback didn't win due to it's gay issues. I think Crash won because it was a true L.A. kind of film, celebrating the industry and city in it's odd way. I didn't even think Witherspoon should have been nominated for an Oscar. She was just o.k., but nothing to wow over. The two awards I did applaud were Brokeback for winning on music score and Hoffman for his best actor award.

2:53 PM  
Blogger La Spano said...

Stupid poker girls are the reason I don't play poker much with my roomies/friends. I love them to death, but come on...it's a poker game. Play the game!

One roommate constantly asks if she's dealer, if she's Big or Little, etc., to the point where none of us will tell her anymore. We'll just set the cards in front of her or hold our hands until she puts her ante in.

Augh! :) Sounds like you're a girl I'd like to play against!

3:19 PM  
Blogger V said...

Roar: Word

WC: Thanks for that, your J-Lo comment was so perfect--seriously! And I hope you are write about crash just being a vote for the same old and not anti-gay...still I am skeptical.

la spano-I hear that-there are some leagues in DC if you are interested in playing that may be more worth you time.

6:04 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home

FREE hit counter and Internet traffic statistics from freestats.com