Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Happy V Day!

V Note: I write this post as a bit of a joke for my real V-day date. Truth is scarier than fiction, but this year, it is more the latter.

Okay, V stands for "Valentine’s Day," I get it. But still. You should celebrate me. But that would mean getting to the essence of V. The mystery, wrapped in the enigma, wrapped in the brown paper bag essence.

So, if you’re not going to celebrate V-Day with champagne, chocolates, an awkward date followed by hot, sticky sex--then may I suggest, Circle V day?

V step one: Wake-up at 6:00 a.m. due to alcohol finally being processed out of your body, and you are hungover, still in same clothes from last night, REEKING of smoke.

V Step two: Talk yourself out of going to the gym

V Step three: Go to work, blog/e-mail friends all day.

V Step four: At approximately 4:59, leave work for happy hour you have been planning for past four hours (since bemoaning not being able to have a drink at lunch/at desk).

V Step five: Meet friends at Beacon Grill. Discuss work politics, most recent sex-capades, cover of Star, who the new hot waiter/ess is, and why you are turning over a new leaf FOR REAL tomorrow.

V Step six: Commit to only two drinks, perfect amount.

V Step seven: Convince your happy hour buddies, after your sixth martini, to go to another bar, most likely near pizza joint.

V Step eight: Call friends within 20 square radius and berate them for not being drunk with you and how they “totally have to meet us out, man” and how you “don’t fuckin care if you are already asleep.”

V Step nine: Try not to be the drunkest friend. This will be a challenge, but it is important for your booze clues call the next day that you were not the SO WASTED one.

V Step ten: As you dance on the bar, you realize step nine is highly unlikely.

V Step eleven: Drag friends to strip club, if you get in, try not to pass out there--floor can be sticky.

V Step twelve: Start watching L Word on Demand, Black out.

V Step thirteen: Repeat V step one.

Who needs romance when you can have escapism, eh?

Happy "V" Day!


Blogger NotCarrie said...

I'm on V Step 3 right now...

2:04 PM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

Aren't there only supposed to be 12 steps?

Admitting the problem is the first step.


2:44 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

I thought everyday was V day.

2:51 PM  
Blogger Washington Cube said...

The "V" 13-Step Program. ~~~Sweet Valentine staaaayyyyy...Each Day Is Valentine's Daaaaay~~~

Have a good one. ;)

3:04 PM  
Blogger RoarSavage said...

Escapism-- heck! I call that a good social life! Rock on, Sister.

3:12 PM  
Blogger V said...

NC: Funny lady.

AM: I need an extra step-

i-66: works for me that way

WC: You got it, and ditto

3:12 PM  
Blogger V said...

roar: Thanks, I hear that.

3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Love it...love it...love it!
Happy V-Day, gorgeous!

P.S. Passing out on the floor of a strip club? Ewwww!

4:45 PM  
Blogger V said...

Chase: Same to you, darling! Though I haven't been on any strip club floors lately, I'll be sure to call you before I hit the next one--

5:03 PM  
Blogger Floyd said...

V - Even more verbal voreplay: There's a movie adapted from a graphic novel called "V for Vendetta" coming out this spring that is right up your alley. Quote from the novel: "People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

Watch the trailer: http://vforvendetta.warnerbros.com/

Tell Serpentine that the graphic novel was written by none other than Alan Moore, and it is widely considered his best work.

6:55 PM  
Blogger Barbara said...

V -- This scares me. I'm almost finished with "A Million Little Pieces."

11:20 AM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

ok when are we going out??? i want to get to step 10!! i had your # awhile ago but lost it.... you should email it to me! and i promise not to send you weird texts.

12:31 PM  
Blogger Asian Mistress said...

I second VP - get on the strip club train chooo choooo!


(Hey it's 4 am and I can't sleep shoot me)

4:51 AM  

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