Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Oh, Jessica, I wanted so much more

Jessica Cutler, oh how I loved thee, let me count the ways. Prior to reading JC’s book, The Washingtonienne, I was quite confident that if she and I ever grabbed a drink together, we’d be BFF. I find something so refreshing about people who love themselves enough to be cognizant of their flaws and yet embrace them at the same time. The sluts who love being sluts because sex is fun and has many benefits. The bitches who love being bitches because it allows them to get more shit done than your average passive aggressive.

So on my plane ride from Washington, D.C. to the buckle of the Bible belt, I was quite disappointed to learn that everyone’s favorite slut bag is as uninspired as your average DC intern. And, it still hurts.

She is vapid. Heartbreakingly vapid. Her 291 page novel proves to be nothing but a laundry list of regretted choices and over-the-top behavior for the sake of excess. I suppose it is my fault because I pictured something else. I pictured the female Valmont of Les Liaisons Dangereuses or Dangerous Liaisons or Valmont or Cruel Intentions…the idea that a character would be self-admittedly “bad” but have few regrets because he or she cared little for social convention and in fact abhorred it altogether. But that’s not our JC. She rebelled to be rebellious, not because it’s what she believed. And that’s just as boring as anything else, whether or not she’d snort coke off a dick.

There are a couple of really sad moments. I would like to ask JC if it was her publisher that pushed redemptive themes into the novel. The blaming her noncommittal behavior on her mother (SNOOZE, pg. 229) or realizing due to a few sessions in therapy that she’s acting out due to depression and dysthymia, not true self-awareness (DOUBLE SNOOZE, pg 259).

Do you know what makes a novel good? It lets you glimpse something you could never see before—so far beyond your sphere, your touch, your experience. And, particularly, novels with political themes set you up for something incredible. While I was thinking The Washingtonienne would be Primary Colors meets Sex and the City, all I got was Primary Thinking meets Sex in the Pooper…and I couldn’t give less of shit, if you will.

Maybe I should blame it on JC being a Taurus. I have had many important Taurus folk in my life, and they are all so goddamn self-loathing and narcissistic that you can only take it in small doses. This novel is exactly that—JC tries to love everything about herself, but all you get is a repentant coward who may have the cojones to take it up the ass in a boardroom, but she doesn’t have the courage to really look at anything more than the societal niceties of my mother fucked me up and I really, really want to be in love (SNOOOOOZE, pg. 291). And, I quote: “Because as much as I hated those desperate women who chased after love, I finally had to admit that I was one of them. But then, that’s just between us girls.”

HOLY FUCKING JESUS, yes, she said that. As if it’s not hard enough to be happy to just be who you are, you had to want to be in love to be a normal girl, even the cum sucking, ass fucking, snorting coke off dicks republican intern won’t just be happy that she can do what she wants. But, that’s just it, she doesn’t do what she wants. She does what she thinks is SHOCKING, what people don’t think she should do. Free will my ass.

See, I can sympathize with her. When I am real drunk, I like to look at who I am around and think of the most destructive, inappropriate thing possible and then say it. Not because it serves any purpose or is something clever or worth remembering, but because at heart I am a drunk teenager who wants to shock me, shock me and shock me. Fucking pathetic. And it breaks my heart because my heart was set on JC being so much more.

Little insight, little reflection makes Jessica Cutler a dull girl. She did nothing with nothing…maybe I shouldn’t blame her for that self-fulfilling prophesy.

God, I just wanted her to own it. To look deep within and see she was in control. She loved her life and was making choices according to a self-awareness that is evaluative and true. In DC’s endless blasé she was a spark that took DC’s power scene for a ride.

But she didn’t. She fucked some guys. Some Cap Hill guys. It’s pathetic on both sides. Just as JC didn’t play them for much more than your minimal K street hooker, these gents let her command much more than she was worth. JC’s fame is more indicative of how pathetic DC really is—that this moderately intelligent, moderately attractive girl could get everyone’s panties in a wad.

After reading this book, I felt embarrassed for everyone involved and particularly, those people like me who thought Jessica was more than just your average slut.

39 Comments:

Blogger dn said...

This made me laugh.

And V, I'll let you in on a little secret - they're all your average slut.

11:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your "review" only makes me want to buy the book more than ever.

11:54 PM  
Blogger Kyle Foley said...

I was quite disappointed to learn that everyone’s favorite slut bag is as uninspired as your average DC intern.

UNINSPIRED, YES, BUT TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM ME ABSOLUTELY WHICH IS WHAT MADE THIS BOOK SO FUN TO READ.

She is vapid. Heartbreakingly vapid. Her 291 page novel proves to be nothing but a laundry list of regretted choices and over-the-top behavior for the sake of excess.
ACTUALLY IF YOU REMOVE THE NOTHING BUT IN YOUR SENTENCE THEN IT BECOMES A POSITIVE STATEMENT. I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT WE GET A PEAK INTO THE MIND OF SOMEONE THAT MOST OF HUMANITY BARELY EVEN KNEW EXISTED LET ALONE UNDERSTOOD.

the idea that a character would be self-admittedly “bad” but have few regrets because he or she cared little for social convention and in fact abhorred it altogether. But that’s not our JC. She rebelled to be rebellious, not because it’s what she believed.
I THINK SHE'S A BIT MORE INSTINCTUAL, I THINK SHE REALLY DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THE METHOD TO HER MADNESS. SHE JUST DID WHATEVER WAS NATURAL TO HER.


There are a couple of really sad moments. I would like to ask JC if it was her publisher that pushed redemptive themes into the novel. The blaming her noncommittal behavior on her mother (SNOOZE, pg. 229) or realizing due to a few sessions in therapy that she’s acting out due to depression and dysthymia, not true self-awareness (DOUBLE SNOOZE, pg 259).
IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER BOOK IF SHE GOT FIRED RIGHT IN THE CENTER AND SPENT MORE TIME WITH HER PSYCHIATRIST, ALSO SHE GLOSSED OVER THE PART WHERE HER FATHER REJECTED HER.


Do you know what makes a novel good? It lets you glimpse something you could never see before—so far beyond your sphere, your touch, your experience. And, particularly, novels with political themes set you up for something incredible.
THIS IS EXACTLY RIGHT, PROUST SAYS THE EXACT SAME THING - WE READ BOOKS TO GAIN ACCESS INTO A DIFFERENT WORLD AND AS I SAID JC'S WORLD IS ONE THAT IS LITTLE KNOWN ABOUT BY ISOLATED INTELLECTUALS LIKE ME.

Maybe I should blame it on JC being a Taurus. I have had many important Taurus folk in my life, and they are all so goddamn self-loathing and narcissistic that you can only take it in small doses. This novel is exactly that—JC tries to love everything about herself, but all you get is a repentant coward
I DON'T KNOW IF SHE IS A COWARD, I THINK IT'S MORE THAT SHE HAS AN INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND SPIRITUAL MATTERS OR THE WORLD OF IDEAS. SHE HAS A LOT OF ENERGY, AND IS A BIT MASCULINE IN HER BEHAVIOR, BUT DOING A THOROUGH PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSESSMENT AND LABELING IS DIFFICULT.

who may have the cojones to take it up the ass in a boardroom, but she doesn’t have the courage to really look at anything more than the societal niceties of my mother fucked me up and I really, really want to be in love (SNOOOOOZE, pg. 291). And, I quote: “Because as much as I hated those desperate women who chased after love, I finally had to admit that I was one of them. But then, that’s just between us girls.”
HER HUNGER FOR LOVE WAS ONLY FLEETING, IT WOULD ONLY STRIKE HER EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, IT WASN'T A PERMANENT THING.

she doesn’t do what she wants. She does what she thinks is SHOCKING, what people don’t think she should do. Free will my ass.
AGAIN, I AM AT A LOSS FOR UNDERSTANDING THE METHOD TO HER MADNESS.

And it breaks my heart because my heart was set on JC being so much more.
SHE IS DEFINITELY NOT A GENIUS, BUT IT'S SAD THAT SOME PEOPLE OUT THERE ARE AS SICK AS SHE IS, FOR THAT REASON I FELT SYMPATHY FOR HER, NOT LOATHING.

Little insight, little reflection makes Jessica Cutler a dull girl. She did nothing with nothing…maybe I shouldn’t blame her for that self-fulfilling prophesy.

God, I just wanted her to own it. To look deep within and see she was in control.
SHE'LL NEVER CHANGE. SHE'S PROBABLY OUT THERE SMOKING CRACK RIGHT NOW, GETTING LAID. SHE CAN'T INTROSPECT, SHE'S DEFICIENT IN THAT DEPARTMENT AND WAS BORN THAT WAY.

She loved her life
SHE WAS ABLE TO ADAPT TO HER ENVIRONMENT PRETTY WELL BUT SHE HAD TO SELL HER BODY TO DO SO, THANFULLY SHE DIDN'T FEEL MUCH COMPUNCTION FOR DOING SO.

and was making choices according to a self-awareness that is evaluative and true. In DC’s endless blasé she was a spark that took DC’s power scene for a ride.

But she didn’t. She fucked some guys. Some Cap Hill guys. It’s pathetic on both sides. Just as JC didn’t play them for much more than your minimal K street hooker, these gents let her command much more than she was worth. JC’s fame is more indicative of how pathetic DC really is—that this moderately intelligent, moderately attractive girl could get everyone’s panties in a wad.
GOOD POINT, IT WAS A PIECE OF DECADENCE LITERATURE, BUT AGAIN MOST DECADENT LITERATURE UP UNTIL NOW HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT DECADENT THEMSELVES. NOW IN THE LAST TWENTY OR THIRTY YEARS WE ARE STARTING TO GET THEIR SIDE OF THE STORY.

After reading this book, I felt embarrassed for everyone involved and particularly, those people like me who thought Jessica was more than just your average slut.
AFTER I READ THE BOOK, JUST LIKE THAT NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE STORY WHERE HE WITNESSES SOME OF HIS TOWNSMEN PARTICIPATING IN A WITCH RITUAL, YOUNG GOODMAN BROWN, AND CAN NEVER LOOK AT THEM AGAIN IN THE SAME LIGHT, I TOO HAD TROUBLE WONDERING HOW WIDE SPREAD THE PROBLEM IS. I GOT OVER IT QUICKLY. I THINK SHE REPRESENTS A TINY MINORITY. IT'S THE SAME AS WHEN A MAN READS PLAYBOY, HE STARTS THINKING, IS THIS WHAT WOMEN ARE REALLY LIKE?

3:49 AM  
Anonymous Another DC blogger said...

V, How can you say all this about someone you've never even met? I think you need to revisit your previous post W/R/T Kelly Ann Collins et al. Pretty fucking hypocritical.

6:09 AM  
Blogger V said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:24 AM  
Blogger V said...

Dn: Yeah, I guess so.

Anon 8:54: You should read it, it's "sexcapism" but little more than that.

Kyle: Jesus, brother, post that on your web page then drop a link, I can't respond to all that!

Anon: I am basing it on 291 pages of pseudo-autobiography as well as my own disappointment in the book. The previous post has nothing to do with a book review, my expectations or my watching Jessica Cutler's various moves/interviews since she became "famous."

9:26 AM  
Blogger I-66 said...

What's up with the point/counterpoint breakdown? I thought I was readying a transcript from Crossfire or something. One may not agree with another's opinion, but to disagree in such detail one might say is not necessary.

That said, it's too bad the book didn't live up to your expectations, V, but at the very least it gave you something to do on the plane.

9:26 AM  
Blogger The Boy said...

I'm tired of the rippling cultural effect that Sex and the City has had on young women in our society. I'm f*cking this guy....blah blah blah, whine whine whine....

I say, if you wanna get f*cked for money, then go out there and get f*cked for MONEY!

9:31 AM  
Blogger V said...

i-66: Well, Kyle is a special reader, he often has lots to say. But he has his own damn blog so he should use it!

The Boy: I agree, but it's all that "I want to be in love" shit that gets me down, if you're going to do something, think about it, own it and use it to your advantage.

9:40 AM  
Anonymous Another DC blogger (see you at the next happy hour!) said...

But who doesn't want to be in love? Why should Jessica be any different?

Anyway, the previous post is about you being uppity about assholes making judgmental comments on DCB, then you go and write this presumptuous analysis about someone you don't know.

JC's persona isn't real, and neither is her book. I hope you're not so stupid that you can't tell the difference.

10:50 AM  
Blogger V said...

Anon: Sigh. You miss my point. I have zero problems with being in love (obviously), it's that JC uses it as an excuse for her behavior. It's just another sinner turned saint according societal expectations--snooze.

I am not saying I know everything about JC (obviously), but after reading her many interviews and her book, which is obviously very close to her experiences, I was very disappointed due to my own expectations of what I thought she was about.

And, I am not sure if I will see you at the next happy hour as I don't know who the fuck you are. Smooches.

11:02 AM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

That cock up Cutler's ass sure sounded real. But then, that's just me.

Thanks for the review, V. Sounds sorta like a dime-store romance novel that tries (just barely) to be more. :-D

11:10 AM  
Anonymous The same DC blogger said...

We've met, actually. I'm keeping anon b/c you are absolutely right about the jerk commenters and I don't want them coming to my site. The DC blog scene is way too bitchy and prone to infighting, even more so than the NYC blogoshpere, and it's worse here since we're smaller.

Anyhow, you're assuming that it's "obviously very close to her experience" based on interviews that are bullshit. JC has admitted that she just makes stuff up to seem more interesting. You live in DC, you should know that everyone is make-believe.

11:19 AM  
Blogger V said...

DC blogger: That's fine, but even if everything she says is a lie (which I doubt) the fact remains that the way she portrays herself in interviews and the book is shit. I am sure I don't know the "real Jessia Cutler" or whatever, but I do know what she puts out there, and I was disappointed because I expected more than just your average guilty slut. It's almost more my fault than anything.

11:36 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Wow, I can't believe 14 people read this blog.

1:09 PM  
Blogger V said...

There aren't, a lot of these are my posts and the same people posting...I like to think of it as the gang of 5 or so.

1:12 PM  
Blogger V said...

And, thanks for the comment, JC.
It's a personal blogging highlight.

And, good luck with TV series, I sincerely hope it works better than the book.

1:27 PM  
Blogger A Unique Alias said...

There's going to be a series?!? I will totally watch that shiznit.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous rcr said...

"this presumptuous analysis about someone you don't know."

I can see the reading comprehension skills are running high today. I believe the analysis was of the book.

2:30 PM  
Anonymous DC blogger said...

Except she keeps referring to Jessica Cutler/JC. The character's name is Jacqueline.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

And good luck with...this?

2:33 PM  
Blogger V said...

RCR: Happy b-day, you are on point.

DC blogger: Oh, please. Read her old blog, it's very similar to the book, and my point before still stands.

JC: Snap, again :) This blog is just for entertainment and other indulgences--we cannot all be as "entrepreneurial" as you, my dear.

2:43 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Damn right.

Ok, I'm done. Resume sweating me.

2:49 PM  
Anonymous DC Blogger said...

Maybe if you could keep your thoughts straight, someone might give you the chance to write a "shit" book like Jessica.

2:55 PM  
Blogger V said...

Naw, no sweating here...wasn't fan of book, over it. Hope the series will be better...think Valmont meets Entourage in DC. Shock me, shock me, shock me.

2:56 PM  
Blogger V said...

DC blogger: Maybe so, I guess we'll see. And please, forward--never straight.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Jamy said...

It's a BOOK REVIEW not a character assassination. Can't people tell the difference?

I enjoyed reading a review of a book I will never read (probably). If the book were what V had imagined it to be, I might be interested.

Thanks for the review and keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure you have many more than 5 readers.

3:25 PM  
Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

Great review. You're a sharp writer. I laughed out loud a couple of times.

Did she really have butt sex in a board room? Ok, now I think you've sold the book on that point alone.

Cheers,

LB

4:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Kyle and Jessica x-rated flick would be a big hit.

6:12 PM  
Blogger Complacent Chase said...

I love it when you get everyone worked up, V! ha ha
I loved your review! I haven't read the book and I probably won't either based on your review. I too, am tired of people apologizing for their behaviour. I mean, if you are going to make a decision to do something...do it and own it! No regrets! I hate that shit!
Anyway, the anal sex and sucking coke off a dick make it tempting to read...but not enough to pick up the book if she is whining about how her mother fucked her up, her dad rejecting her and how she just wants to be loved! Please...
Oha, and if this does turn into a series...I hope there won't be any annoying voice-over of the main character saying, "I was very naughty but I didn't really enjoy it. I just wanted to someone to love me and make me see the error of my ways. Couldn't anyone tell that I really needed help?"

barf

6:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read the book over the summer and did not get that impression at all. It seemed like she went to therapy in order to learn that there was nothing really wrong with her in the first place. And the therapy/family stuff was so glossed over...The main problem with the book, according to a lot of the reviews, was that she didn't do enough introspection. And if you are comparing the book to real life, that should be somewhat apparent.

7:24 PM  
Blogger V said...

Jammy: Thanks, and happy blog b-day.

Lonnie: Yes lots of anal, glad you enjoyed.

Anon: That would be some freaky shit...worth consideration.

Chase: I second that

Anon: No, she got into therapy and realized that she was all fucked up...I put page numbers in my review, check them out. I agree with what the reviews you mention said--

9:06 PM  
Blogger dn said...

I'm really enjoying all this. It's like if I blogged about how Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's performance hurt my fantasy basketball team, only to have him visit my site. "Listen, kid - I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. You drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes."

9:28 PM  
Blogger Velvet said...

I agree with Jamy - it's not a character assassination. Say what you want, she set a precedent for many of us who blog now. So the book wasn't that deep, it was still a delicious and scandalous summer read.

11:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Any book review that starts with "I thought the author and I could be friends" and ends by calling her a slut is a personal attack. Also, two posts about JC in as many days AND a topless photo amounts to "sweating." Putting another blogger down to attract attention to yourself is some low shit.

11:09 AM  
Blogger V said...

Dn: Funny example and I agree, it was very cool of JC to comment.

Velvet: Thanks, that is what I meant by it. I didn't mean to attack "her," just her persona--how she portrays herself and my disappointment in it not being what I wanted (which I admit is partly my fault due to expectations). And, you should check her book out--as long as you know what to expect.

Anon: I like that photo of her-- that's why I posted it (not sweating)-- and the post itself was not "about her" it was about my brother and various important things to experience while he is in DC. And I read her book and wanted to talk about it. I wasn't trying to attract anymore attention than any other post--Sadly, I doubt JC and I could be friends now...she was probably a little too cool for me anyway :)

11:43 AM  
Blogger Jinxy said...

You just wasted 847 words on a person who be summed up by one.

8:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Supercalafragilisticexpialidocious?

Jinxy in six words:
Needs. To. Rethink. His. Facial. Hair. Situation.

3:10 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Isn't that seven words?

10:26 PM  

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