Friday, December 16, 2005

Dear CNN: I am done with the O’s

Dear CNN,
Hi there, long-time viewer, first-time writer.

See on Fridays, I like to come into work a little late. I usually primp a little more knowing there will absolutely be a happy hour somewhere/somehow with my name on it. I like to lay in bed longer, take longer in the shower and take longer to decide where the professional/comfortable/ Friday causal/still looks good for HH line should be drawn in what I wear. I also watch your station on Friday mornings.

But, I made my mind up this morning. I am done with the O’s. Both Soledad O'Brien and Miles O'Brian have transcended my typical “oh they’re just talking heads” categorization to be full on, fucking idiots. Here's some problems I have:

The O’ opinion: She does try to smooth over O’Brian’s inevitable gaffe comment about something too stupid to have an opinion on, but she herself has no opinions aside from whatever is the least offensive thing to say –so I’m not sure which one is worse. Today she decided to shock me, shock me, shock me with this little statement after the hard hitting story on who won The Apprentice: “Who cares, does anyone even watch that show anymore?” I mean I’m no advocate for Trump, but it still gets a cool 14 mill or so…hell, that’s how much all morning shows pull in. Eat that, O’Brien.

The O’ dynamic: Basically, everyone is just hoping Miles doesn’t say anything totally offensive. While they’ll throw Anderson anywhere in the world with a mic, I think Miles is best served behind a desk. His Katrina reporting was just sad, watching him try to reconcile his carefree, idiot conservative streak with all those poor, sad, black people without houses. And, Soledad is even worse. She’s got this “uuhhh” thing going and you move that teleprompter and you’re in some trouble. I mean seriously, who watched her tapes and said, “You know, I like the uuuhh, it says, I really know what I’m talking about.” I mean sure she’s got that ethnically neutral thing going that is white hot in the broadcast world, but put that poofy haired Cho chick up there or something.

The interviews: It’s ladies choice when it comes to interviews. I watch Soledad interview some religious nut today who preached at her for ten minutes about saving souls and shit. What, does the “C” stand for "Chistian" now? And, the worst is just waiting for it to be over to hear Miles’ two fucking cents. NO MORE TWO CENTS, I'm done with the two cents, drowning with the two cents! I die a little on the inside every time he opens his mouth!

Tell me the truth. No one is that dumb. You are concerned that they’ll both die from running around with scissors or something so you just lock them up in some room filled to the ceiling with Stuff, Maxim and USA Today. I mean if you made the executive decision to have so much goddamn adlibbing, you could have the decency to pick two people who don’t need directions on how to put on a hat.

But you've got me by the balls. It’s silly to complain. It’s like my voting for Kerry, sure it’s not the best, but what am I going to do, watch Fox?. I mean sweet Jesus Christ, that’s like watching the two dumbest prom king and queen with their clingy friend try to make sense of the world through the lens of what their parents told them to do. It’s like when the hot girl in high school writes a poem for class. I mean you appreciate what she’s doing, but does it really have to rhyme and be about her Chihuahua? Fox just stumbles through all major events and then quickly cuts to hot Brangelina news or an exclusive interview with some idiot from Ways and Means. It’s just too much to take.

So in conclusion, no more O’s on Friday, for me it's NPR utopia all week long.

Love you like lovers,



Blogger I-66 said...

Circle V: providing justification for why I don't watch TV on weekday mornings - all without even trying...

12:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very clever, V! This is truly one of your best post ever! Brilliant! Personally, I enjoy MSNBC...but that is because I have a crush on Dan Abrams.

5:58 PM  
Blogger dn said...

I watch Saved by the Bell reruns in the morning. Today was a College Years episode. They learned about ethics. And so did I.

8:25 PM  

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