Wednesday, September 14, 2005

MIA

My apologies to those who care for my absence as of late. I have been doing little else other than working, drinking at my apartment for a couple hours and sleeping. Work has been very busy and (for the record) been a lot better for me, particularly since my job appears to be almost here and the price is right.

I will be in Kansas for the next five days. And, aside from learning about the awesomeness of intelligent design, I will also be attending a weddin’—Catholic style. This wedding will be particularly fun as I really like the crew I am hangin with there and the bride-to-be has some connections to Budweiser.

Something pretty cool about this shindig is the bachelor party. All the dudes must pay $100 up front for all expenses. With approximately 20 dudes going, that’s 2K in Wichita, Kansas…it’s gold plated strippers for everyone!

Also in the hopper, I am going to a Neil Diamond cover band complete with sequined jumpsuits…girl…you’ll be a woman soon…or a fag…not sure which.

I’d like to say I will be the picture of class at the reception. But past precedent would seem I will be a mouthy drunk. More famous moments include me passing out in the back of a car and the infamous (and maybe misremembered):

Scene: After giving the 16 year old waitress a fatty tip she kept the wine coming and coming. Dn and I sat with a couple other dudes at a table of lame girls we didn’t know.

Dn: I like my women like I like my wine, dry.
V: Um, that’s not a very good thing, Dn.
(weird pause)
V: (Slurring) Yeah, these sluts know what I’m talking about.
(Awkward giggle except from the dudes)

Okay, maybe you had to be there, but it was classic.

Anyway, cheers from the free state.

Oh, and if the wedding reader gets sick, I'm going to take a excerpt from Kyle's blog/book...I mean isn't that shit about God and love and stuff, I mean this is a prayer, ain't it?

mar 31

222

"Lord, after some success with diminishing
the centuar of my lusts, the anaconda has
once again gained the initiative. i have
heard rumors that there is an underworld
located on the internet where one can
meet women hungry for the friction of the flesh.
into that world i will now descend.
save me, i beg of you, from this desire malignum,
rescue me, i implore you, from this knife-chasm obnoxio,
deliver me, i supplicate you, from this adder-dungeon atrosho.

for nine weeks now i have been unemployed,
together with laura’s sword-rejection and still
no reaction yet concerning my book’s blaze
i daily fall deeper into despair’s methane,
and succumb more fully to the lust-bison’s romp,
and hook myself more poignantly to hopelessum’s drove."

That shit's tasty.

3 Comments:

Blogger dn said...

It was a classic moment. If I may add one clarification, I said that I like my wine dry AND red.

10:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"despair’s methane" - nicely done. Maybe use a few more hyphens next time - I think your boy Kyle's ratio of lines to hyphens is a bit lower.

2:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, that was an EXCERPT. WOW, I'm slow.

3:04 PM  

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