Being alone or the plague?
One of my friends has a little problem. She wants to be married. “Who doesn’t?” you ask. Me for one. And every other friend I have that lives in DC. Let’s call my friend Melanie.
Melanie has done match.com and other such dating services. She dreams of being the mom and taking care of the home. I certainly believe she should do whatever makes her happy. But JESUS, getting to that point is exhausting. Most recently she met a guy name Doug from one of the online services. He was into her and I think they have been seeing each other for one month TOPS. And that may be a total of 10 hang out/sex/dinner occasions.
Then Melanie pops the big question to Doug that I imagine most dudes (and many, many girls) dread: “Where do you see this going?” Which translates to: “I like you enough that I am willing to dedicate years and years to you and want to meet your family, have your babies, grow old together, buy a house, cars, vacation together forever and ever and be your soul mate for eternity (“which is a pretty, pretty, pretty long time”—Larry David)…please, please, please do you feel the same?”
Holy crap. So it should be no surprise that the answer to that question was “I’ll think about it.” And the next day she got dumped outside DSW. She was a crying fool, hypothesizing that “There’s something wrong with me, it’s me isn’t that why guys don’t want to be with me?”
The short answer: “Hell, fucking yes it’s you.”
The long answer: “At this stage in our life, people who are not committed to someone or not looking for just ass or not sexually confused, need time to find the person that they want to commitment an important portion of their life. Twenties are the golden years, and if you want him to want you, it’s gotta be on his time. If it’s that 1) he’s not worth it 2) it’ll take too long for him to want you or 3) you really, really, really want to be married NOW, then you’re probably in this for the wrong reasons, especially if it’s all three.
You are a smart, attractive woman—how about you enjoy your life a little sans dating obsession? Unless there is a ticker on when your ass is going to explode and no dude will look twice again (which there is not) let’s just chill and enjoy a time when you have few obligations and many friends.”
Of course none of this matters. She is in the marriage zone and there ain’t no turning this train around. And what really sucks is you can just smell it when people want a relationship. It’s like a scary repellent that makes you want to head for the hills of sluts and evasive noncommittal relationships. I feel sorry for Melanie because what desperation tells me is that she will settle. Probably settle BIG for some loser who will treat her okay (but not as good as she deserved) and most definitely cheat. And, she’ll always forgive him because she never learned the value of self-respect and being alone and that often being a good thing.