Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Nice Guy? It's okay.

There is a stereotype out there that girls do not like nice guys. I am pretty anti-“girls are this and guys are that” because few things are gender specific in my experience.

However, I was talking to a friend today about a guy she met on Anyway, my friend is on the relationship track—as in she just wants a relationship followed by a marriage.

Our conversation:

She: So I have seen this guy twice and we’re going out tomorrow.

V: Cool, is he cute?

She: Yeah, he’s cute and I like him okay…

V: But, what?

She: I don’t know, he’s just…really…

V: Nice?

And so it begins. I wouldn’t think much of it, but two of my very good DC friends have given me similar stories recently. Perhaps at the beginning of a relationship conflict can be mistaken for chemistry? Perhaps some girls who do not have to work at something believe that it is not worth having? There is something to be said for that asshole chemistry, but long term it won’t go anywhere.

The good news for nice guys is that I am seeing them win recently. My girl May started dating a very nice guy just for sex. He liked her and she likes sex. It worked well, but now she is just as into him and he is into her (basically). His nice guy approach worked when complimented by his persistent nature (He did go to HLS after all).

The best example, however, is a very good friend of mine who had about a 15 year history of dating assholes. However, she met a wonderful guy who treated her great. She naturally was super mean to him and never saw it going anywhere. Flash forward less than a year later and they are moving in together.

Nice guys out there: Please don’t change. Just be yourself and be persistent. If she doesn’t start treating you how you deserve within the first few weeks then move on, she’s just not ready for the you, the nice guy.


Blogger The Boy said...

The girls and I have an expression for this:

"He seems like he's really nice and would treat me well. I'm so not into that."

3:11 PM  
Blogger Dan said...

Hah. As I nice guy, I never finish first...

3:23 PM  
Blogger V said...

The Boy: Right, it's crazy. Time and time again...and then (shockingly!) the asshole just doesn't work out...sigh.

Dan: Good luck, brotha. As I have heard before "You're my silver medal" and that's okay.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with you V and I can admitt to forsaking the nice guy (read: Phillip). Altough, he wasn't always nice, hence the reason we broke up.
I like dating nice guys...I just don't like it when they are too agreeable. You know, they will do whatever I say...I hate that sh*t.
I like a nice guy with his own opinions.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous cjt said...

"You girls think you want a guy who's 'nice' and 'cute', but what really attracts you is strength and power!" This loud speech ended with a fist slamming on a desk.

Mr. Fowler, my high school art teacher was mas macho, and his wise words I never forgot.

4:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's why, even if you are a nice guy, you have to be a dick every once in while. Even make here cry. She will like you more and then you can go back to your nice guy ways.

Works like a fuckin' charm I tell you.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Floyd said...

Anonymous is correct. Be nice but be a dick. Girls like things that don't make sense, and that's as senseless as anything. "I want a guy to treat me like a princess, but not too much." Sure, ok. How about getting back to work on this boner?

But seriously, I've found that girls are more into politeness than actual kindness. I've heard so many girls refer to a douchebag as "nice" when in fact he's just a big douche. But, to his credit, he is polite, as he doesn't rock the boat unnecessarily, agrees with the girl when he's uninterested in what she's saying, and is liberal with the compliments. And, of course, it helps when the douche has a little green and a face to go with it...

5:03 PM  
Blogger Scot in DC said...

I like nice guys too, but I agree when a guy is a "yes man" that is not to attractive, I like some push back and for a guy to have the balls to stand up for himself. My ex was a classic nice guy, but he was letting me walk all over him, I didnt like that so much...

5:10 PM  
Blogger The Senator said...

Sounds like that anonymous comment comes from a former friend.

Don't treat women like shit, gentlemen. You won't get that far with her...and you lose more in the long your own dignity, integrity, and self-respect.

V. You are coming along nicely.

6:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Senator,

This isn't your former friend. Guess your esp that allows you to figure out who is commenting anonymously is not working tonight.

6:59 PM  
Blogger dn said...

Senator - I don't believe anyone here is advocating treating the ladies "like shit", but you have to be difficult every now and then. Refuse to walk the dog once in a while. Refuse to attend every third wedding she wants to drag you to. Make a mess. Don't invite her to everything. Don't tell her everything. So long as you're still opening doors and picking up tabs, you're a good guy, but you can avoid "doormat" status.

8:34 PM  
Blogger DC Cookie said...

Being a dick works like a charm, for a girl who is a young little kitty-kat and really isn't ready to have a relationship. Girls my age don't have the time or the patience for that kind of shit. V - seriously...couldn't have said it better myself. It's just like the turtle and the hare...remember who won.

10:16 PM  
Blogger Floyd said...

Yeah, sure, the tortoise won the race, but I bet the hare is a hell of a lot better in bed. Have you ever seen tortoises hump? Exactly.

11:19 PM  
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5:31 AM  
Blogger VP of Dior said...

V- you're friend was going on her third date with this fellow and already she said he was too nice? the problem a lot of girls and guys have when dating is the expectation that after one date they will automatically click and know everything about that person. instant romance, just add water.

maybe if she got to know him a little better maybe she would find he's actually not that nice. or maybe she is just really good at reading people. either way she doesn't really know him and things like this take time and persistence. but if she's on the fast track to marriage i guess she doesn't want to waste her time on someone she's not into. maybe advise her to slow down a little?

9:51 AM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

At the risk of sounding crass, I have observed that going down on your mate is usually quite effective at both getting and keeping...

10:31 AM  
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4:37 PM  

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