Monday, July 18, 2005

MRS prep

My friend May e-mailed me Re: How to make a relationship work. Someone had sent the list to her, her comment: "Here is a list of things you can do to make your special someone feel a little more special. This might be why I am single!!"

I am struggling to figure out which one of these is more disgusting. I will take a blog break this evening from work and maybe make my own list. It will mostly involve lap dances and blow jobs:


1. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when your boyfriend/husband arrives. Some women need a bit more time. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.

2. Be happy and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

3. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house/apartment just before your partner arrives. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

4. Be happy to see him.

5. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

6. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

7. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.


Blogger Sara said...

Um... when was this written? 1950?

8:16 AM  
Blogger Team Itchybox said...

Wow, yes, a little gag-me. Although, I think generically speaking that a little courtesy goes a long ways... but wouldn't that go for either partner in a relationship? Shit, I'd hate hearing my bf whine just as much as I am sure he'd dislike my grumblings.

By the by, I figured you were a kindred spirit as far as Jane goes. Just finished watching A&E P&P for the umpteenth time, but also took a second to review the trailer I had seen for the upcoming ADAPTATION... It looks absolutely horrendous. Darcy looks evil. Keira as an intelligent role model -- never! Plus she looks very scrubby... it seems as though they went for a Little Women adaptation of P&P where the girls look poorer, are more proactively desperate to find husbands, and they wear their emotions on their sleeve. I am disappointed that The Dame herself signed on to such potential crap.

So, my question to you is, should you agree with me, how do we start a movement to boycott?!

8:55 AM  
Blogger Floyd said...

V, you're right, lap dances and blowjobs, under most circumstances, would be more pleasing after a hard day's work. I'd also add the following "tips":

8. Shut up.

9. No, seriously: Shut up. The last thing he wants to hear right now is your voice.

10. Now please, can we just watch TV in silence for a bit? We can talk later.

11. Never, under any circumstance, nag after work. Work is for work; home is for relaxation. The bills will get paid, and we'll fix the fucking comforter problem later, so please just shut the fuck up and let me watch this goddam game before I completely lose my shit. Oh, what, are you crying? You're crying now? Fuck.

9:30 AM  
Blogger cuff said...

I think I've seen this before and I think it is as Sara said from the 1950's.

Ah the good old days when wimmen didn't try to take a man's place and when we didn't have none of that pesky intergration that ruined all of society. Oh yeah, and there was prayer in the schools.

9:45 AM  
Blogger Patrick J. Fitzgerald said...

I think this is still the standard m.o. in OK

12:29 PM  
Blogger V said...

Sara: Good point, will update.
Sister hayer: We should discuss futher. Will research and get back to you.
Flyod: Excellent points, will add.
Mass: Yes, we all love the barefoot and pregger days of old.
Catciao: You have no idea :)

1:51 PM  

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