Friday, July 15, 2005

Home can KISS my ass.

Thanks to those of you who knew, but didn't warn me…Home sucks ass. Do you ever just look around at a club and think "Wow, these people really don't ever get out?"

Number of tongue studded girls licking cherries: 0
Number of hot chick making out: 0
Number of hot chicks: 0
Number of flabby white dudes awkwardly dancing: 25
Number of people there: 35
Number of seconds before the DJ cutout the song he was playing for another song: 25
Number of times I almost beat the DJ's ass: 1,000

Yeah, the night was real miss and miss. My first bitch would be that there was no one there. No one. It was scary.

My next bitch would be that of those actually there, no one was attractive. There was maybe one dude worth looking at until he took of his jacket and started "dancing." Wow. That was gross. The one hot girl was dancing with this metro/homosexual who was about six months from coming out. He was all hip swishes and grindin on her ass. The brotha couldn't take a sip of his G&T without movin to the music.

Also the William Hung of dancing was there for all to delight. To the nines in his cream fedora with matching suit, this fella was moving on the dance floor and on the couch and on the tables. It was great. He had a little dyke-princess to-be on his arm who at one point was actually shuffling around him in a big gleeful circle. I imagine that was the first time she had ever been drunk.

The DJ was the worst part. I don't know a whole lot about music or especially about being a DJ. I imagine it is a very complicated and artistically fulfilling way to spend an evening. I think it's really hot when people are spinning their music and doing their thing. I have even been prone to a DJ crush or two. But last night, I almost beat the shit out of the DJ.

It was like premature ejaculation after premature ejaculation. This asshole kept playing 25 seconds of a song and then going right into another top fucking 40 hit. It was so annoying because he could at least keep the genres together so that if maybe you like to dance to Destiny's Child then you roll it into a Beyonce hit or perhaps a little Missy if you're feelin freaky. But, no, this little douche bag was just thowin shit out there left and right. Maybe he was working some musical invisible string theory tying it all together a la quantum mechanics and general relativity, but like me reading Brain Greene, I didn't have a damn clue what the hell he was getting at.

After two or three trips to the dance floor and a quick return, I was annoyed. Then, after I elatedly began dancing to KISS by Prince,--an artist I was more than even usual in the mood to hear-- he then switched to a Nelly song, and I lost my shit ("That's unfuckingbelievable that you wouldn't play at least half a Prince song. Are you a deaf DJ or something!?"). He didn't real appear to give a shit.

We left soon after. Ozio was okay, Franklin was there so we all enjoyed some VIP treatment. Though the VIP room put me to sleep. I left early. May met a guy with a minivan and two car seats. She quickly remedied that situation. Steve never found anything on the down low so he left early. Coyote Ugly bartendar got smashed.

So honor of DJ suck ass, here are the complete lyrics to Kiss:

Prince - Kiss Lyrics
U don't have 2 be beautiful
2 turn me on
I just need your body baby
From dusk till dawn
U don't need experience
2 turn me out
U just leave it all up 2 me
I'm gonna show u what it's all about

U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your

Kiss

U got to not talk dirty, baby
If u wanna impress me
U can't be 2 flirty, mama
I know how 2 undress me (Yeah)
I want 2 be your fantasy
Maybe u could be mine
U just leave it all up to me
We could have a good time

U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your

Kiss

Yes
I think I wanna dance
Gotta, Gotta
Little girl Wendy's parade
Gotta, gotta, gotta

Women not girls rule my world
I said they rule my world
Act your age, mama (Not your shoe size)
Not your shoe size
Maybe we could do the twirl
U don't have 2 watch Dynasty
2 have an attitude
U just leave it all up 2 me
My love will be your food
Yeah

U don't have 2 be rich
2 be my girl
U don't have 2 be cool
2 rule my world
Ain't no particular sign I'm more compatible with
I just want your extra time and your

Kiss

12 Comments:

Blogger Sara said...

Nights like the first halve of yours are the worst... When you know you coulda just stayed home and kicked back with a movie and a beer and felt much better about how you spent your time afterward.

1:07 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

*half. what was i thinking? no clue

1:07 PM  
Blogger V said...

Yeah, the only good thing was that i was hanging out with friends that I haven't seen for a while...so that was nice.
Looks like you and the ladies had fun the other night, too.
Very cool.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Kathryn Is So Over said...

THAT DJ SHOULD BE SHOT.

I love Prince, especially that song. I get to play DJ when I make CDs for my cycle classes. I taught two hours last night, and you wanna know what was on one of the FIVE class mix cds I further mixed up to keep my class moving? ALL of "Kiss." Jeezus Louizus.

4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

V i am so sorry i didn't warn you about HOME that club has been lackin for year. No matter what promo company they pick its always empty that place needs to have a change in management seriously, the owner is in court now for not paying D.C. some 1.3 million dollars in taxes...super shady...

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