Friday, April 29, 2005

Self-restraint regretted

Let me set the scene:

She is clearly 20. A Junior at G-town...maybe GW, but doubtful. She is with every modern girls fav accessory: pretty gay boy. He's a freshman. She was probably the third person he met.
She is wearing: Hot Pink wife beater, probably BP. Too tight/short jean skirt for her, she bought it a year and a half ago: Diesel. Shoes: Manolo Blahnick, maybe. Hair usual straightened to frazzle, highlights typical of brunette wishing were blonde.

She sits beside me, I have been rocking the new Beck CD (which is quality) and she starts in with that tone. It's old school valley girl meets snob meets professional woman.
She: So like, it's no big deal for me to get it. It's easy at home because the guys just know me and their like "Hey Utah" cause my passport is Utah, "Try this (whisper) whiskey."

They laugh.

He: That's so cool that you can get it.

She: Well, it's not that big of a deal. I mean at my job I am always going to corporate things and getting all the alcohol I want, they really think it's cool.

He: Wow, you are so lucky…that's so great.

She: Yeah, and you know I am going to Hawaii this summer?

He: (naturally asks) for work?

She: No, my boyfriend's family is flying us there. His sister wants to get married in Maui so we are going and not paying a thing.

He: Oh my god, that so great.

She: Yeah, I mean I could pay, but I don't have to. I mean my mom puts like $500 in my bank account every week and I'm like "mom, don’t" and she's like "you'll spend it" and of course I always do.

Big laugh.

She: Of course, when she comes to town, she also leaves money. And last time, I fund a $100 in my drawer and I was like "mom, you give me enough" and she was like "I didn't do it" and then I realized it was my boyfriend.

He: Wow, he did that?

She: Yeah, and I was like, "why did you do that, I don't need money" and he was like "I just want you to be really happy and have fun in college."

He: That's so sweet.

She: Yeah, he's so great. We were talking the other day, and he was like "You know, when we get married in 5 years, we won't have to work at all because my family has plenty of money." And, I was like "I know honey, but we need to have jobs and do the right thing." And he's like "I know, but we will never have to work again unless we really want to."

He: (Silent in shock, I assume)

Me in perfect world: "Look, you chubby bitch, he's cheating on you. Or, he's gay." (Exit metro).

In reality: (Exit metro) Bitch about it to 4 catty friends and post on lame ass blog.

Ahhh, what wouldn't I do for a nice pair of cojones...


Blogger Ethan Wiggum said...

Now THIS is fucking hilarious.

6:07 PM  
Blogger V said...

Thanks, Lance. I have since concluuded I REALLY made the wrong decision.
Live and be a bitch.

6:18 PM  
Anonymous Gary Mallon said...

Hello! Super work performed. Top PAGE, further so!

12:49 PM  

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